Glee: My Journey - Year 2
by rkgg94
Summary: Friendships and relationships are tested more than ever before as Ryan goes into his second year at McKinley High! Mainly canon with some changes along the way. Sugar/Sam/Blaine/Puck/Santana & New Directions. Rated M for language, etc. All reviews are appreciated. *Continuation story*
1. The Catalyst

**1: The Catalyst**

_September is upon us! Which means, time for school again! For most people, school is shit… But for me it means glee club is back on, and that's what I can't wait for (Still hate school work though)! I also realised over the summer that the Irish education system must be tougher than the American one, cause I've already covered a lot of this work and I'm doing really well in class, when I was only average back home._

_Anyways! So yeah it's time for school once again, and I have so many ideas and songs I want to sing this year in glee! Sam and I are going strong, as are Blaine and Kurt. Santana and I are still 'dating'. Brittany hasn't been out with us since the end of school last year, Santana says she's with her parents on holiday... So Sam and I have assumed that their 'relationship' is over. Puck and Sugar are still 'dating' too._

_Aside from actual relationship status, all the guys are doing great!_

_The summer was really good. We didn't end up doing everything we had planned but it was still a great summer! _

_We went camping, Sam, Blaine, Sugar, Puck and I. We went to the same area Puck and I went to have our talk way back last year. We sang, we drank, and we had fun._

_Puck succeeded in getting into a movie without paying! We weren't there though… So he says he did anyway. There's also a rumour that he got a vasectomy… Dunno how that got started, cause it's not true!_

_I didn't end up getting to visit my relatives in Boston. But my family still want to._

_Sam never did get to visit his family in Tennessee… His family cancelled last minute (I was supposed to be going) and Sam just said they decided not to. They had all their cases packed and everything so it seemed a little odd…_

_Aside from that we didn't really do much else. We just spent loads of time together. We went on days out and just hung out loads. Santana was with us a lot, although she did kinda disappear for about 2 weeks there a while back. We had glee days too with the whole club, sans Britt who was MIA. _

_Anyways, time to look to the future… It's gonna be a great year, I can feel it. It's weird looking back and seeing how far I've come. I want more solos. Can't believe I'm even thinking that. But I really do, and I'm gonna get them._

_/_

I walked over to the lockers after the last glee practise before the weekend. Sam walked up behind me.

"Hey, so a few things have changed in glee. It's kinda weird" He said.

"Yeah it is. Tina's with Mike now. I feel bad for Artie… Santana got a freakin boob job. What the fuck! Brittany spent the summer in the sewers, apparently. Quinn is back on the Cheerios. How the fuck did she lose all that baby weight so fast? Finn isn't the quarterback. Even Sugar is acting a little weird, have you noticed?" I asked.

"Um… I don't think so… Is that bad?" Sam asked, looking confused.

I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Of course not… You're cute when you're confused" I said, smiling. "I've just noticed that she's been a little… I dunno… Clingy? To Puck I mean, they're not actually dating… I might be wrong. I dunno" I said.

"Hmm well we'll just have to keep an eye out for her." He said reassuringly.

"Yeah cool!" I said. "So how are you feeling about getting Quarterback?" I asked.

"I can't believe it! But I'm so happy! I beat Finn!" He said, his face lighting up.

"I'm really happy for you Sam" I said. I did a once-over of the halls before leaning in and pressing my lips to his. "You really deserve it".

He looked a little sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just wish we didn't have to make sure we're alone before we can kiss. I hate that I have an amazing boyfriend and I have to hide it. I love you darlin'. I just wish we didn't have to hide". He said.

"I love you too Sam. I hate that we can't be 'out and proud' like Kurt and Blaine are. But my grandparents… they hate gay people so much. It scares me to think that they're gonna hate me if I be myself." I said.

"I know you're scared. I understand. We don't have to be out. You know that, it's just annoying sometimes. Remember, our 'Forbidden Love' is 'Untouchable'" He said, winking.

I couldn't help but smile.

"I know it is. Look I have been thinking about it… Before I met you, I was adamant that I would never come out to my grandparents… But now, I think maybe I can do it… I'm getting there… Maybe sometime this year" I said.

"There's no rush. But if you decide to do it, you know I'll be here every step of the way" He said.

"You're amazing" I said, smiling.

"I try" he said, in one of his many accents.

"Ya know, us talking about you getting Quarterback has gotten me thinking… I've never been into sports. Like, ever… But I've been starting to feel like I should start. I kinda feel like I should be doing more than just glee. I really don't know any rules for anything though, especially the popular sports over here. But I really need the exercise… Like really badly" I said.

"No you don't." He said sternly before continuing. "But if you wanna start learning, then why don't I try and teach you. You have the build for it. You'd be a great addition to our football team. Can I try and teach you?" He asked.

"Yeah ok, let's see if you can make me good at sports… Be warned though, it's no easy task" He said.

"Well what if you get a reward every time you do good?" He said.

"Hmm what's the reward" I said.

"I'm afraid that's confidential information" He said, impersonating George Bush, before winking.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well how could I say no to that".

/

_The weeks are going by quickly now! We're three weeks back into school already! _

_Two weeks ago, after much persuasion, Mr Schue decided to have Britney Spears' music be the 'lesson' of the week. Naturally Brittany got a chance to shine. She was really good! But when we sang 'Toxic' for the opening assembly, it was a disaster. Mr Schue decided to perform with us, I'm guessing to try and impress Ms Pillsbury… So that was creepy. Also, the performance kinda caused a sex riot… people got hurt… awkward._

_This week has been tough. Kurt's dad had a heart attack. We all rallied around and did our best to be there for him. But we can only do so much. I feel so bad for him. I really hope Burt is ok. Aside from that, Sue has banned us from singing religious songs. I don't really care. I'm not religious, but I'm not gonna get into that now. I still think that we should have the right to express and sing what we want though. I mean, Sam's religious, he should be able to sing it he wants. Quinn and Mercedes too!_

_/_

Sugar and I stood in the stands supporting Sam and Puck as they played in the first game of the season. Blaine was out with Kurt, trying to keep his mind off Burt. The game was going great; the team was winning for once! I'm sure that's all down to the new coach; Coach Beiste. Anyways we stood there cheering them on. Halftime came and went. There's only five minutes left now.

Suddenly one of our players landed on the ground before the other player ploughed straight into him.

"Holy shit, what number is that? I can't see from here." I said.

"Ryan, I think that's Sam!" Sugar shouted, eyes widening in shock.

Suddenly we saw Puck take his helmet off and motion at us to come down.

_Fuck. It is Sam._

We ran down to the pitch as fast as possible, Quinn, Santana and Brittany appearing from the sidelines too.

There were loads of people, including Finn, surrounding Sam as we ran over.

"How is he?" Puck asked.

"Shoulders dislocated" Finn replied.

"Shit. You sure?" Puck said before looking at Sam's shoulder and realising his question was pointless.

His shoulder was completely out of place.

"Ok stop crowding around! We're not at a barn dance! Coach Beiste boomed.

"Ok Pun'kin, you gotta go to the Emergency Room. I'll call your parents; you want anyone here to come with you?"

Sam looked dazed.

"R-Ryan" He said as he looked at me before screaming in pain as he was forced to move.

/

We had to sit in the Emergency Room for a few hours before Sam was seen by a doctor. They popped his shoulder back into place pretty quickly but now we have another hour to kill before his dad collects us. He works the night shift and he couldn't get out any quicker. His mam is with Stacie and Stevie so she can't come in.

We sat on a gurney in one of the hallways watching the many doctors and patients walk by.

"How're you feeling?" I asked.

"Pretty bad. I just got Quarterback and I've lost it. And now my parents have to pay these hospital bills too" he said solemnly.

I couldn't help but feel really bad for him as he sat there, looking helpless.

"You'll get it back Sam. Don't worry. You have to rest for a few weeks but after that you'll be back fighting. You got Quarterback once, you can get it again! It's not your fault that you've been hurt. These things happen" I said.

He paused for a moment.

"I'm glad you're here" He said as he rested his head on my shoulder.

I smiled. "You must be exhausted. Maybe try and sleep while we're waiting?" I said.

When I got no reply I looked down to see Sam already asleep on my shoulder.

"I love you, you'll get through this. I promise" I whispered to him before leaning my own head back as I waited for Sam's dad to arrive.

/

**A/N: So I'm back! I know this is probably not a great re-introduction. I've planned out my chapters and it's looking like the first few won't necessarily be too dramatic, however I think when you get to the later chapters and then look back on these first few, it'll all fit together.**

**I've never done any thing like this before so I'm really proud of myself for sticking to this story. I know I'm by no means a great writer but I'm really happy with the story so far!**

**Just remember that even if a chapter doesn't necessarily have a lot of drama in it, they all have a part to play and something will always happen to hopefully join the chapters together. Hopefully anyway!**

**The title might seem completely random but I most definitely know the meaning behind it. If you care enough, in later chapters you may realise what 'the catalyst' was.**


	2. Rocky Confessions

**2: Rocky Confessions**

_It's been three weeks since Sam dislocated his shoulder. His shoulder seems to be ok now but it's still weak. He wants to be back on the football team, although he can't be the Quarterback, for now anyway. He still needs to be careful though since dislocating a shoulder once makes it way more prone to happen again. Hopefully that won't be the case though._

_Also, Kurt's dad has finally woken from his coma and he's doing well. He's out of hospital and he's getting better. Thank God!_

_/_

Blaine, Sugar and I were sitting in Blaine's room watching TV. Sam went home early to rest.

"Oh guys I forgot to say, I saw Mr Schue in the mall yesterday when I was shopping with Kurt. He told us that he wants this week to be a 'Duets' week and it's gonna be a competition!" Blaine said.

"OMG, that's totes awesome!" Sugar shouted excitedly. "Last year's competition was so fun!"

"This is gonna be fun." I said. "Who are you guys gonna duet with?"

"Hmmm well I think since last year Kurt and I dueted, maybe I should sing with someone else?" Blaine said.

"I should sing with Kurt! I have the best song! Lady GaGa's 'Fashion'!" She said.

"That's a great idea Sugar. I can't think of two more fitting people to sing about Fashion" He said.

"Totally! Maybe I'll sing with Sam, or you Blaine" I said.

"Sure Ryan. We can decide for sure anyway at the start of the week." He said.

"So Sugar, have you smelled GaGa's perfume yet. You should get it since I can't buy it. I wanna smell it!" I said jokingly.

"Totes I do really wanna – " She said before being cut off.

"Uh guys, I just got a text from Santana… Puck's in Juvie." He said.

"What!" I shouted, shocked, my voice jumping up an octave in the process.

"It's what she just said. Look" he said as he showed us the text. "She said she text you guys too."

"I left my phone at home by mistake." I said.

"Mine's in my purse!" she said.

"Can I use your phone?" I asked Blaine.

He nodded before I dialled Puck's phone… No answer. I tried ringing Santana.

"Whaddup eyebrows" Santana said.

"It's Ryan. I can't get Puck on the phone. How do you know he's in Juvie?" I asked.

"Britt and I were in the store when it happened. He tried stealing an ATM, by strapping it to his mom's car… yeah" she said.

"What the fuck! What was he thinking?" I said.

"Dunno Irish, anyways, I gots to go. Need to tell more people. Don't forget we have a 'date' tomorrow." She said.

"There are more important things to think about right now Santana!" I shouted before hanging up.

I looked at the guys, both looking really worried.

"What the fuck are we gonna do?"

/

**A week later:**

_None of us have been able to contact Puck. He's in Juvie for a few more weeks, according to Mr Schue anyway. We're worried for him and we wanna know what the fuck he was thinking. But since we can't talk to him, there's no point in dwelling about it, for now._

_Duets week was fun. Since Puck was missing, there was an even number of people, so no one had to duet with Mr Schue, thankfully. I sang with Sam. We sang an acoustic version of 'Princess of China'. Sam told me afterwards that Finn came to him and told him not to sing with me cause people will think we're gay. Sam told him to worry about his own duet cause he wants to sing a song with his best friend. Sugar and Kurt sang. Blaine and Quinn sang together. Santana and Mercedes sang 'River Deep Mountain High' and they were freaking amazing! They won the competition, rightfully so. I was still disappointed though!_

_This week, we start preparing for the school musical. Mr Schue has decided that we're gonna do the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's a bit raunchy for school though… But if Mr Schue says it's ok then hopefully it is._

_/_

_Most of the roles have been given out now. Finn and Rachel are Brad and Janet, go figure. Kurt is Riff Raff. Mike is Frank'n'Furter. Artie is the guy in the wheelchair. Tina, Brittany and Mercedes are all gonna play Columbia. Santana, Quinn and Sugar are playing Magenta. Sam is Rocky. Blaine is Eddie. I'm an extra. This is really unfair. I want a part. I finally can actually sing in front of people so I want to show it off now and actually have a lead role!_

_/_

**The next day:**

"So guys, we need someone to take on the role of Frank'n'Furter, since Mike's parents have decided not to let Mike participate. Any takers?" Mr Schue said to the club.

_Maybe I should try out?_

Suddenly Mercedes spoke. "Mr Schue, I'd like to play Frank'n'Furter. I was rereading the script yesterday and it said: 'Don't dream it. Be it.' And it's my dream to play a lead role. Why not me? I mean I'd be all kinds of crazy sexy in that outfit. And I can re-interpret the number a little bit; make it more modern. I'd really like the chance Mr Schue."

"Um… I was also gonna say I could take the role… Maybe we could audition for it?" I said timidly.

"Sounds like a plan guys. Meet at the auditorium after glee practise today."

/

Mercedes and I had just finished singing 'Sweet Transvestite'. We stood on the stage, looking out into the audience, Mr Schue, Ms Pillsbury and the glee guys.

"So what's your verdict Mr Schue?" Mercedes asked.

"Guys, I'm just gonna confer with Ms Pillsbury for a moment before I give you my answer." He said.

We both started walking down to the others while Mr Schue decided on the winner.

"Hey hang on a sec Mercedes. Just wanna say, regardless of who gets the part; no hard feelings, ok? Y'know it's taken me a long time but I'm finally comfortable with my singing and now I wanna get more solos and leads." I said.

"Sure Ryan, talent like ours shouldn't go unnoticed. It's just a little friendly competition. I mean, Berry can't have every solo right" She replied.

We sat down next to the others as we waited for our result.

"Dude, that was awesome!" Sam said.

"That was very good, both of you, although since Frank'n'Furter is typically portrayed by a man, I think Ryan has an edge here." Rachel said.

A few minutes later Mr Schue stood up.

"Ok guys, so I think we've come up with a solution to our problem. Since you guys both did such a good job. We're going to make it a double role; brother and sister." He said.

Mercedes and I both looked at each other and hugged, ecstatic.

"Hang on just a minute! That's preposterous! You can't just change the play!" Rachel said.

"I'm the director Rachel, I think this could add some comedic depth" Mr Schue replied.

"Congratulations!" the guys all said.

I got a text a few minutes later from Sam.

**Now u get 2 ty me up in bed (in d play) :P**

_I got a lead role!_

/

_It's been a few days since I got the part. We've all been rehearsing loads for this. We haven't actually gotten our costumes yet though._

I walked into the gym to find Sam waiting for me.

"Hey. You ready to learn some football?" He asked.

"I think so" I said.

"You ok?" he asked, slightly worried.

"Yeah I'm ok… Just a little, worried; about the play… I dunno how I'm gonna stand on stage and wear the costume while being confident… I'm gonna look like a twat!" I said.

"No you won't! Look what I have to wear. I'm gonna end up showing some nuttage on stage!" he said.

"Yeah but you can pull it off Sam. You have the perfect body for the role. I don't. My body is nowhere near being perfect. I'm gonna be bulging out of the freakin leather!" I said.

"Ryan, stop. You're body is fine. Stop worrying. You're gonna look good, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I know you're gonna look good. If you want to change, then let me help you. I'm already teaching you football. I'll help make you an exercise plan." He said.

I paused for a moment before continuing. "Yeah ok… I'm still terrified though." I said.

"That's ok. I am too. But we'll get through it. You have a lead role. Think about that" He said, smiling.

/

**The next day:**

We all stood in the auditorium waiting to try on our costumes.

Rachel, Finn, the Unholy Trinity, Sugar, Blaine and Sam all had their costumes. Tina walked onto the stage with her Columbia costume, followed by Kurt.

"Sorry I'm late! Karofsky shoved me and I dropped all my books" he said.

Mercedes and I are next.

I walked backstage to the 'changing room' to get ready.

/

_Oh dear Jesus…_

_It's fucking tiny. No it's too small. I'm bulging out of the seams. What if I burst out on stage? No I can't wear this. I can't. I can't do this. My family will see this. They'll know that I'm gay straight away. I can't risk it. I'll just embarrass myself. Why did I put myself up for this role? I can't!_

_/_

"Is there something wrong Ryan?" Mr Schue asked as I walked back out in my normal clothes.

"Um… I can't do this. I just can't. Let Mercedes have the role. I'll be an extra." I said before walking out.

/

I was sitting at the bathroom sink. I was crying slightly.

_I can't believe you just did that. Fuck's sake Ryan! All the confidence you've been getting. You're just throwing it away!_

"Hey, what's wrong?" I heard Blaine say as both he and Sam walked in.

"I just don't want to play the role anymore" I said.

"Ryan, we've talked about this. You look fine!" Sam said.

"No I don't Sam. Thanks for pretending though. I just can't do it. I can't. I'll just embarrass myself. You need confidence with a role like that. I just don't have it." I said.

"Why not?" Blaine said.

"Because I don't look like you, Sam, Puck or any of the guys, even Finn! I've gained confidence with my singing but I can't show off my body like this. I just can't deal with all the judgement." I said.

"You need to remember what you said way back last year... Fuck it!" Blaine said.

"Look I wish I could. But this is too tough for me. I don't want to hold you guys back in the play. I do it enough already" I said.

"What? How?" Sam said.

"I'm too afraid to come out. Blaine, you're out. Sam, you're ready to come out. I know it. Kurt's out. I feel like I'm just weighing you guys down." I said.

"Don't say that! You are not! I've told you that we can come out when you're ready. I want to be with you, doesn't matter if you're out or not." Sam said.

"You don't weigh us down Ryan. We all love you. You brought us together. You need to stop being your own worst enemy" he said.

I paused for a moment.

"I know… I can't help it. These thoughts… They just come out and I can't get rid of them… I need to work on it… I'm still not playing the role though" I said.

"That's fine. Do what's best for you." Sam said.

"Exactly" Blaine said.

"Thanks guys… I'm glad you're here to help" I said.

/

_Sp it turns out that my little freak-out about Rocky Horror was kinda pointless; Mr Schue cancelled the play the next day… Something about him not doing it for the right reason (i.e. him wanting to win back Ms P). It's probably for the best anyways._

/

**The next day:**

Sugar and I were sitting in her room listening to music.

"So… Is there anyone in glee that you like? Artie? Finn? Please not Finn…" I asked after sitting down on her bed.

"Yeah actually… But you can't tell anyone… Puck" she said.

I paused for a moment, waiting for her to laugh… No laugh came.

"Wait… you're serious?" I said, shocked.

"Duh! Why wouldn't I be silly?"

"Uh… cause Puck is gay… I know he says he's bi but I've even heard him slip up a few times and call himself gay… I think he's fully gay, he just hasn't realised yet" I said.

"No, he's bi… I have a shot. We're already dating!" She said.

"Sugar… you're pretending to date him; like Santana and I, and Britt and Sam last year; So Puck can hide his bisexuality… which basically means he's not ready to be out and gay. Don't you think if he was really bi that he would be out fooling around with girls like he used to? You and Puck haven't even fooled around… You haven't even kissed!" I said.

"We did kiss! At new years! I really like him! He treats me right. He doesn't use me for my money. Ya know what, I'm gonna tell him when he gets back from Juvie" She said matter-of-factly.

"Look you do it if you want. I don't mean to sound harsh but I don't want you to invest your feelings into something that will only lead to you getting hurt."

_This isn't gonna go well…_


	3. Life Got Cold

**3: Life Got Cold**

**A week later:**

_Things have been fairly quiet this week. Sugar and I haven't spoken about the Puck situation since he's not home yet. He'll be back in a few days. Anyways, the week was fairly boring, aside from one thing that happened: _

**Earlier that week:**

Everyone was sitting in glee club when I stormed in.

"How the hell could you do this to me? What the fuck Santana!" I shouted.

Everyone went quiet, listening in.

"What the hell did I do?" She said.

"You know what you did! Do you really want me to shout it out loud? Ok! Twitter update! Santana Lopez is a cheater! I should have known!" I said.

"No-Ryan I didn't! Who told you that?" She said, looking shocked.

"It doesn't matter! I'm done, done with you!" I shouted before storming out.

"Wait, Ryan, no!" She shouted as she ran after me.

I ran to the auditorium and sat down.

Santana caught up with me a minute later and sat down next to me. We sat in silence for a moment before looking at each other and laughing.

"That was fun!" I said, as I laughed.

"I gots to say, you're not a bad actor Irish. That was… wanky. That should give the club something to talk about for a while. May as well give 'em something, it's not glee without drama." She said.

"Very true. So now are we done? Or are we gonna get back together in a few days?" I asked.

"Hmmm I dunno yet." She said.

"Do you think anyone knows who you cheated with?" I asked.

"Well duh-Frankenteen… I already told some of the girls. Berry will know soon enough" She said.

"I feel really bad for Rachel in all of this… I know she can be annoying and very, very big headed… But she's still a nice girl… I hope that this at least makes her realise that Finn is not the guy she thinks he is" I said.

"Don't think anything will make the Hobbit stop loving the Giant. You wanna help her. I just wanna see her frown" She said with an evil smirk.

"Well, to each their own I suppose" I said.

/

_So it wasn't actually dramatic but it was fun to have a little fun! Also, Sam came to me a few days ago and told me that Quinn asked him out on a date. He agreed and he's going to use her as a cover for the time being… I kinda feel weird now that I don't have my cover anymore…_

_/_

**A few days later:**

Blaine, Sam and I were standing in the hallway the crowded hallway.

"So what do you guys think about this whole Sugar/Puck thing?" I asked them.

"I'm worried for her. Puck's our bro now but the last girl he was with ended up getting knocked up" Sam said.

"I'm not worried about that. But I am worried about Sugar. I agree with you Ryan, I don't think Puck is actually bi. He's just coming to terms with himself." Blaine said.

"Should we talk to Puck about it? Ask him to let her down gently. When she tells him, I doubt he'll realise just how much she likes him" I said.

"I think we should just let it play out and see if they can handle it without us getting involved, uh-sorry guys I'm gonna have to go. I'll see you later at glee" Blaine said before walking off towards Kurt at the end of the hallway.

"That was odd… I've actually noticed something. You know Karofsky? He seems to be everywhere Kurt is. That's probably why Blaine went running off to Kurt just there. Maybe Karofsky is bullying him more?" I said.

"I've noticed that too actually. We haven't gotten slushied in a while, or pushed around. But Kurt keeps on getting shoved around by him" Sam said.

"We should keep an eye out on that"

/

When class finished, we walked into the choir room to see a familiar face already sitting down; Puck.

"You're back!" I said as I ran to greet Puck. "What the fuck were you thinking?" I said as I thumped him on the shoulder.

"Doesn't matter dude. I'm over it now. I'm Puck 2.0; bigger, better, and the number one badass at McKinley again.

"Um ok, I won't push you since you're only back. But we are going to talk about this." I said seriously. "Have you talked to Sugar yet?"

"Nah she's at home. I text her earlier; told her I I didn't need her to pretend to date me anymore" he said.

"Oh ok and did she reply?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah she said ok, why?" He said, looking confused.

"Just wondering" I said.

_Shit, I hope Sugar is ok._

_/_

"Ok guys so that's the assignment of the week! Boys vs. Girls mashup contest! Put some real thought into it!" Mr Schue said, as the class ended.

"Uh-Mr Schue? I had an idea for this week too. It goes along with the boys vs. girls theme. There's this girl group from the UK called Girls Aloud. They're one of the most successful girl groups ever over there. They've sang almost every genre. I was thinking we could do a megamix of their songs, with each song being taken on by a girl or a boy, kinda like a competition. The songs are all so different that they could really give us some good practise and make us more versatile" I said.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm Ryan but I don't think that's a good idea" he said.

"Oh ok, just thought I'd ask" I said.

_Damn, I was really hoping he'd say yes…_

_/_

**A week later:**

_Mr Schue is out sick this week! We have a sub in for glee; Miss Holly Holiday. She's really fun. I like her. _

_Puck is acting a little funny. He seems to care about popularity again. I haven't got a chance to talk to him about it yet. I tried talking to Sugar about the whole situation but she just said that she was fine and Puck can do whatever he wants… I'm worried about her too now._

_Karofsky has been bullying Kurt even more in the past week. I dunno why he's after Kurt so much, but I'm worried for him._

_/_

**Glee Practise:**

"Miss Holiday, I was wondering if we could do a megamix from a UK band called Girls Aloud. Boys vs. Girls… Mr Schue said no when I asked him." I said, as we all sat down in the choir room.

"I thought you'd never ask" She said winking. "I've spent some time in good oul' London! Girls Aloud are righteous!" she said, putting on a fake British accent. "Ok I'll give each person a part and you practise and do the competition tomorrow. There'll be a boy and girl winner and when Mr Schuester comes back, I'll put in a good word for the winners for a solo at sectionals!" She said.

/

**The next day:**

Miss Holiday walked into the auditorium as we stood on stage.

"Hit it!" She shouted.

**Girls Aloud Megamix:**

(The boys and girls stand on opposite ends of the stage, almost like a battle scene. Before each soloist/dueting partners face each other.)

**Ryan/Blaine:**

**It's the sound of the underground**

**The beat of the drum goes round and round**

**In to the overflow**

**Where the girls get down to the sound of the radio**

**Out to the electric night**

**Where the bass line jumps in the backstreet lights**

**The beat goes around and round**

**It's the sound of the under**

**Sound of the underground**

**Puck:**

**I don't need no good advice, I'm already wasted**

**I don't need some other life, cold and complicated**

**I don't need no Sunday trips, tea and sympathizing**

**I don't need no special fix to anesthetize me**

**Kurt:**

**My life got cold**

**It happened many years ago**

**When summer slipped away**

**So chill now whoa**

**We've gotten many years to go**

**So take it day by day**

**Mercedes:**

**More, More, More,**

**Then, Jump!**

**For my love**

**Jump in!**

**And feel my touch**

**Jump, if you wanna taste my kisses in the night then.**

**Jump for my love**

**Quinn:**

**Nobody sees the show**

**Not till my heart says so**

**If it's not you, oh no**

**I won't do that**

**Boy if you want to be my speciality**

**You'll have to wait for me and that is that**

**Santana:**

**I'm just a love machine**

**Feeding my fantasy**

**Give me a kiss or three**

**And I'm fine**

**I need a squeeze a day**

**Instead of this negligee**

**What will the neighbours say?**

**This time**

**Finn:**

**I'll stand by you**

**I'll stand by you**

**Won't let nobody hurt you**

**I'll stand by you**

**I'll stand by you**

**Take me in into your darkest hour**

**And I'll never desert you**

**I'll stand by you**

**Artie/Blaine:**

**Wake me up before I drop out on you**

**The TV life is working all right**

**It feels so good to lose baby**

**If I had a promise from you**

**I'd get up and out of my head**

**Instead I'm so confused**

**Brittany/Sugar:**

**It's been a long hot summer**

**And it's 95 degrees in the shade**

**It's only Sunday morning and I need that Friday feeling again**

**You put me in a fever 50 stories high**

**And suddenly I'm freezing**

**And I don't know why**

**It's been a long hot summer**

**And I'm shaking like a cool lemonade**

**Ryan/Santana:**

**You can't mistake my biology**

**The way that we talk**

**The way that we walk**

**It's there I our thoughts**

**The magic numbers in front of me**

**The way that we talk**

**The way that we walk**

**So easily caught**

**Finn/Rachel:**

**Will you ever see the day?**

**Heartache leads astray**

**Good love will always come from me**

**Tina:**

**I'm talking bout a whole lotta history**

**I can't find a way to show**

**what you mean to me**

**I'm falling all around when you miss me**

**I don't know what to do**

**So tell me baby**

**Sugar:**

**Something kinda ooooh**

**Jumpin' on my tutu**

**Something 'side of me**

**Wanting what you do-ooh**

**Something kinda ooooh**

**Bumping in the back room**

**Something 'side of me**

**Wanting what you do-ooh**

**Sam:**

**I think we're alone now**

**There doesn't seem to be anyone around**

**I think we're alone now**

**The beating of my heart is the only sound**

**Artie/Mike:**

**Walk this way**

**Talk this way**

**Walk this way**

**Talk this way**

**Arite/Puck:**

**Did you tell her? No, no, no**

**Give her kisses? No, no, no**

**Whisper honey? No, no, no**

**You're delicious? Hell no!**

**Were you dancing? No, no, no**

**Sweet as toffee? No, no, no**

**Get her number? No, no, no**

**Get her out for coffee? Hell yeah!**

**Rachel/Kurt:**

**Just cause you're raising the bet and call the shots now, ooh**

**It really doesn't phase me, how you spend you're time, ooh**

**Just cause you're raising the bet and call the shots now, ooh**

**It really doesn't phase me, how you spend you're time, ooh-oooh**

**Brittany:**

**I can't speak French**

**So I let the funky music do the talking, talking now**

**Oh, I can't speak French**

**So I let the funky music do the talking, oh oh oh**

**Rachel/Mercedes/Santana/Tina/Quinn:**

**1, 2, 3, 4!**

**You're gonna make me, make me love you**

**Nothing at all, nothing that I do**

**The promise I made, promise I made**

**Started to fade, started to fade, babe!**

**You're gonna make me, make me love you**

**Nothing at all, that I cannot do**

**The promise I made, promise I made**

**Started to fade, started to fade**

**Puck/Sugar:**

**Oh baby if you find**

**I'm not the loving kind**

**I'll buy you flowers **

**I'll pour you wine**

**Do anything to change your mind**

**I know, you may be disinclined**

**To find the love you've left behind**

**So kiss me then make up your mind**

**I'm not the loving kind**

**Ryan/Sam:**

**And in my dreams it feels**

**Like we are forty storeys tall**

**When you're around**

**Ooh we're untouchable**

**And in my dreams I feel **

**Like we aren't ever gonna fall**

**We're safe and sound and we're untouchable**

The song finished as the whole group faced off against each other, before erupting in cheers.

"Whoa dudes, that was awesome! Ryan, great idea! I know my winners! Ryan and Santana! There's certainly no mistaking you guys' biology! Now let's go get some tacos!" Miss Holiday shouted.

_I'm so proud of myself. I stuck to my guns and wanted to do this and I got it. This will help the team, so many different styles of music in one performance. Yay!_

_/_

**A week later:**

_Mr Schue is better and back teaching glee again! I think he finally learned his lesson about not taking our opinions into account and now he's gonna listen to us a bit more. He even told me that he wants to do a week dedicated to dance music, music from the UK and Ireland, etc. (Music that I'm used to)._

_This week, we're preparing to sing for Kurt's dad and Finn's mom's wedding. I'm looking forward to it, it's gonna be fun._

_The Kurt/Karofsky situation has only gotten worse. Karofsky is now openly harassing Kurt every chance he gets. Mr Schue has tried to help but it's done no good. Sue is temporary principal while Figgins is out sick and even she is trying to help._

_All the girls in glee who have boyfriends got together and tried to think of a way to help the situation. All of the guys, except Finn, are gonna go to Karofsky and tell him to leave Kurt alone, or he has to deal with us. Puck is gonna stay in the background in case anything gets out of hand, but he can't actively participate since if he gets in trouble, he'll be sent back to Juvie. Finn, despite being Kurt's future step brother, isn't helping, since it will hurt his popularity and he may lose Quarterback, which he somehow thinks is gonna help Kurt… Fucking twat._

_/_

**The next day:**

Sam, Artie, Mike and I walked into the locker room to see Karofsky at his locker.

Puck stayed behind Karofsky, changing.

"Stop picking on Kurt" Artie said.

"You mind? I'm changing" Karofsky replied, nonchalantly.

"We're serious! This is a warning" Mike said.

"Oh yeah?"

"From now on you're gonna leave him alone" Artie continued.

"Look, if he wants to be a homo, that's up to him, but don't rub it in my face." Karofsky said angrily

"We're not asking you" Artie said.

"Whether he is a "homo" or not has nothing to do with you. So leave him the fuck alone, or you'll have us to deal with" I said as strongly as I could.

"We're done talking about this. Just back off ok" Mike said as he got in Karofsky's face.

Suddenly Karofsky shoved Mike and he crashed into Artie, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

Sam launched himself at Karofsky and I followed. He missed me but hit Sam straight in the eye. He then shoved me hard into the lockers.

Coach Beiste came hurtling into the room.

"Hey hey hey what's going on here? Get up! Get up! What the hell is going on here?" Coach Beiste shouted before grabbing Karofsky and forcing us to leave.

/

A few minutes later we all sat down in the choir room. Quinn gave Sam an ice pack. My side was sore after Karofsky shoved me.

"Thanks for standing up to Karofsky guys, it means a lot" Blaine said.

"You have no idea how hard it was for me not to jump into that beatdown!" Puck said.

"Where were you Finn?" Santana asked, giving him a death stare.

"I was still out on the field ok. I totally would have given him a beatdown if I had been there though" He said.

"Bullshit" I said, looking the other way as I said it.

"Fact is it shouldn't have gone down without you Finn. You should have been leading the charge" Mercedes said.

"Especially when we're trying to protect your future step-brother" I said.

"Lay off Finn everyone. It isn't his problem. It's none of your problems actually… But thank you for what you did, especially Sam and Ryan." Kurt said.

"Leadership material right there" Mike said.

/

_Karofsky laid low after that. Burt actually threatened him and complained to the school himself. The wedding went off without a hitch! It was great and Finn redeemed himself in Kurt's eyes. He made a big speech at the wedding and dedicated it to Kurt. So all is forgiven I suppose… again. _

/

**Monday:**

_I feel sick today. So I stayed off school. I hate being sick. This is the first time I'd actually rather be in school. That shows how much I love glee and all the guys. Anyways better get back to my Supernatural marathon. Almost on season 4 which means I get to see Castiel! Can't wait!_

_/_

A few hours later I heard the doorbell ring. I walked down and opened the door to see Blaine standing there with puffy red eyes and tear marks on his cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, looking worried.

"Kurt. He's gone. He left McKinley" he said before tearing up again_._

/

**So some drama is starting to materialise :P.**

**I know some of you may not see the point in the whole girls aloud songs section but they're my favourite group and when I started thinking about solos, some of the parts I assigned to people really fit their situation at the moment. I'll let you decide who has the most fitting verses.**

**Also, I know last 'season' I said that it was set from 2011 up to keep up to date with music. But I've decided to just revert it back to the original time. If a song is sung that shouldn't be out yet… Let's just pretend it was out at that time :P. So currently we are in about late November 2010 for this story.**


	4. Anything Could Happen

**4: Anything Could Happen**

"Wait… what?" I asked, confused. "Where did Kurt go? Let's talk about this upstairs" I said, motioning for Blaine to follow.

We walked to my bedroom and we both sat down on my bed.

"Kurt came into glee practise today. He looked really upset. He gave us a speech about how we're all a big family and how much he loves us… which is why it was so hard for him to say goodbye" Blaine said before pausing.

"He couldn't handle what Karofsky was doing anymore. So he's transferring to Dalton Academy… My old school" He said.

"He's going back to Dalton? And he didn't tell you?" I asked, shocked.

"No he didn't tell me. We talked about Dalton before, that it has a 100% no bullying policy. But I had no idea he had decided to transfer. Now he's left. Everyone offered to protect Kurt. Sam and Puck both said they'd be his personal bodyguard. But it's no use. Kurt's gone" He said.

"Hang on; does that mean he's competing against us at Sectional's next week too, with the Warblers?" I said.

Blaine nodded.

"I can't believe he just left like that…" I said.

"I know it's in his best interest to leave. He doesn't feel safe here. Karofsky is after him for whatever reason… But he should have at least told you before telling everyone else. You're his boyfriend for fuck's sake!" I said.

"Did he not think that I deserve to know that my boyfriend is leaving school? But I want him to be safe especially after what _he_ did to Kurt? I'm just hurt" He said.

"Wait… is there something you're not telling me? Did Karofsky do something else to Kurt?" I asked, worried.

"Uh n-no" He said quickly.

"You're lying" I said, confused.

Blaine paused a moment before sighing.

"During our mashup week… Kurt stood up to Karofsky in the locker room. And then Karofsky kissed him… Karofsky is gay. And when Kurt and I tried to talk to him, to help him… He threatened to kill Kurt if he told anyone" Blaine said.

"Oh my god… that's awful. Fuckin' hell well now we know why he bullies people. It gives him no right to do what he's doing to Kurt, especially after you offered to help him." I said.

"At least Kurt will be safe now… We'll work this out. I'm just, shocked; that he wouldn't tell me first. We'll be ok though. Listen; please don't tell Kurt I told him. He didn't want anyone to know." He said.

"No problem, your secrets safe with me Blaine" I said, before giving him a hug. "You'll be ok, I promise".

/

_The last week has been tough on Blaine. But he's getting through it. _

_We're all practising for sectionals. Mr Schue has decided that Sam & Quinn are going to have the duet this year instead of Rachel & Finn. I'm so happy and proud of Sam. But still, a part of me wishes it was me and him singing up there instead of Quinn. I'd give anything to be able to do that actually. But for the moment, we're still hidden… So anyways… I'm getting a solo at Sectional's! I'm gonna be singing 'Valerie' with Santana! I'm thrilled… It looks like Ms Holliday's advice to Mr Schue really worked! I'm absolutely terrified, but I still can't wait!_

_Also, Mr Schue is on the lookout for a new member to fill the void that Kurt left. He's given Puck the responsibility of finding one._

/

Sam, Blaine, Sugar and I were standing by the lockers.

"I would have liked to have a solo this year but I'm just feeling up to it right now" Blaine said.

"We're here for you buddy" Sam said.

"You guys are so lucky! You get solos in a competition! I want one. It'd help me get my mind of you-know-who" Sugar said.

"Speaking of Puck; has anyone seen him? I haven't heard from him since yesterday" I said.

They all shook their heads.

"Hmm where is he?" I said.

"He's probably off stealing again. He's been acting weird since he got back from Juvie" Sam said.

"Uh-guys look" Blaine said, pointing down the hallway.

We all turned to see something we never thought possible.

Puck was kissing: 1) a girl. And 2) it was _Lauren Zizes_.

_What the actual fuck._

We all shared looks of shock. Sugar looked teary eyed.

Puck and Lauren began to walk up the hallway towards us.

"Hey guys. So this is my new girl. She's joining glee club." Puck said, grinning.

"I got a box of Cadbury eggs out of it, _and_ 7 minutes in heaven with the Puckasaurus" Lauren said.

"She rocked my world" Puck said dreamily. "Catch ya later at glee practise" He said before they both walked off.

"What just happened?" Blaine said, looking confused.

"Puck is with Lauren, apparently" I said, also very confused.

"There's gotta be some sort of explanation for that" Sam said.

"I'm guessing there is but there's no point in interrogating him about it now. Let's wait till after Sectional's at least" I said before turning to Sugar. "Are you ok?" I asked.

"Not really" She said timidly.

"Look, do you want me to talk to him about you after Sectional's? I can explain to him that you're hurt" I said.

"Yeah ok." She said softly.

/

**Friday evening:**

_We won Sectional's! Well, we drew with the Warbler's… but that's still a victory. Bad thing for Blaine is that now he's gonna be competing against Kurt again. Kurt was the lead soloist for the Warbler's in the performance._

_It was absolutely amazing; seeing Sam rock the stage with Quinn and then for me to get up there and sing with Santana. I may have gotten a tiny bit sick with the nerves just before I got on stage but when I started singing I just felt at home. It was brilliant!_

_Sugar is hosting a celebratory party for us again. It's gonna be epic._

/

We were all dancing and singing for hours at Sugar's. Everyone was happily getting along. Blaine was dancing and acting like he hadn't a care in the world, Sugar too!

After dancing for what felt like forever Sam and I crept upstairs to 'our' room. We both lay down on the bed.

"Remember what happened here a year ago today?" Sam said.

"I started going out with the most amazing guy in the world" I said back.

"Time sure flies" Sam said.

We were cuddling into one another.

"Ryan, I've been thinking… about sex." Sam said. "Not first and second base, since we've done that… I mean real sex" He continued.

"I've thought about it too… a lot" I said.

"I know we talked about how we want it to be special for our first time… But what's more special than what we have right now? We've grown so much in the past year. You're the only guy I want to be with. I wanna grow old with you." Sam said, looking into my eyes.

"I love you so much" I said before kissing him. "I agree. I'm ready. You mean the world to me. I want you and only you". I said.

"I love you too. And I'm so glad I met you" Sam said.

I couldn't help but smile. "What about protection?" I asked.

"I have a condom… Puck gave it to me" He said.

/

_I don't even know what to say right now… I'm just… happy… I'm in a state of blissful content._

_/_

**The next morning:**

I awoke to the unfamiliar feeling of something slightly wet being pressed against my lips.

I opened my eyes to find Sam kissing me, while cuddling into me.

"Morning sunshine" He said with a grin.

"Hmmm I could get used to waking up like that" I said dreamily.

"How you feeling after last night?" He said.

"Amazing… but a little sore" I said.

"Same here" he said, before kissing me again.

"I love you" He said, before resting his head on my chest.

"Love you too Sam. Let's stay here a while before going downstairs. I doubt anyone else stayed over anyway." I said.

We lay there for another while in a comfortable silence, reflecting on the events that had transpired the night before.

/

**A few hours later:**

I had just gotten back home when I got a text from Blaine:

**Hey, can you come over please?**

I went for a shower and then headed out to Blaine's.

/

"Hey, you're mom let me in" I said as I walked in to find Blaine lying on his bed. "What's up?"

"Kurt and I… We broke up" Blaine said, choking back the tears.

"What? Why?" I asked, shocked.

"Last night… I left the party early to go to see Kurt. He was at the Warbler's party. When I walked in… He was kissing some other guy… An old friend of mine… Jeff" Blaine said, openly crying now.

"Oh my god, how could Kurt do that to you?" I said.

"When Kurt saw me, he started defending himself… We went outside to talk. He said that Jeff had come on to him. But then we talked about how he just left McKinley without telling me and then I told him that I let you in on the Karofsky secret. Then he got really angry. We ad a huge fight… and we broke up" Blaine said.

"Blaine, I'm so sorry" I said, giving him a hug. "Are you ok? Probably a stupid question"

"I dunno… Kurt and I are over… I've been with him for over a year. He's been such a huge part of my life…. And now we're not together anymore… He kissed someone else?" Blaine said, seemingly trying to prove it to even himself.

"Are you sure you guys can't work it out?" I asked.

"I don't think so… I was already angry at him for leaving for Dalton" I don't think this can be fixed" He said, before starting to sob uncontrollably.

I leaned over and let him rest his head on my shoulder.

"C'mon Blaine, you're gonna get through this. I promise. I'm here for you, Sam, Sugar, Puck, and all of glee club too." I said.

/

_I spent the next while comforting Blaine before I had to leave. _

_I hope Blaine is ok. I'm shocked… I thought Kurt and Blaine were so good together, so strong… Obviously appearances can be deceiving._

_/_

**A/N: So there you go! A little treat for you all, 4 chapters all uploaded in one night! Think of it as an apology for taking the 2 week break :P.**

**I thought since these chapters are kind of lighter that I'd put them all up together. **

**The drama is very slowly building in all of these chapters; there are subtle hints. I'm excited for the chapters to come :).**

**I'm gonna be busy with college for the next while so I will update whenever I get the chance.**

**Again, reviews and favourites, etc are not only appreciated, but _encouraged _;).**


	5. Unexpected

**5: Unexpected**

**Two weeks later:**

_News spread fast about Kurt and Blaine's breakup. Everyone seemed to know about it the day after Blaine told me. Obviously Kurt told Rachel and/or Mercedes and they blabbed to everyone. Kurt has been trying to get in touch with Blaine but Blaine won't answer his calls. He told me that he is completely 100% done. Needless to say, Blaine is still pretty heartbroken. But he's getting back to his old self slowly but surely._

_Sugar is also doing better. It seems like she's going through a breakup too. Some people probably think she's being dramatic… Sugar does have a thing for theatrics… But I know her… The feelings are there. It's just unfortunate that they are for someone who is more than likely gay…_

_Speaking of Puck; I haven't got to talk to him about the whole situation yet. He seems to have become stranded on the Zizes Island. Something happened to Puck since Juvie… We need to find out what._

_Santana told me that Artie and Brittany are now dating… She was upset about it… Well she seemed to be anyway. Of course, she didn't actually cry in front of me… That would actually convey emotion… Something Santana finds very hard to do… But ah well, it's who she is and I'm just glad she is able to confide these things in me._

_Anyways, we've decided not to have an Xmas party this year. But we are going to have a small get together; A present exchange like last year… Minus Kurt and plus Zizes. _

/

**Sugar's House:**

Sam, Blaine, Sugar, Puck, Lauren and I were sitting in a circle exchanging presents.

We all got a bottle of green food colouring from Lauren. "Now you can eat slush from outside!" She said sarcastically.

Puck got us all CDs by Jewish artists. He brought a Menorah to the party too.

Sugar got us all a ticket to go to Six Flags in the New Year.

Blaine got us all a Christmas jumper. "I'm sorry it's nothing better guys. I just haven't really felt up to going out Christmas shopping lately" He said sadly.

I made everyone a collage of moments from last year.

It was Sam's turn to give us our presents. "Um… I – uh - forgot the presents. Sorry guys" He said.

"That's ok! Put on some music Sugar. Ok, time to whip out the cans!" I said happily. "Puck, you wanna help me get them from the garage?" I asked him.

"Um – it's only one box…" He said looking confused.

"I know but I'm weak" I said bluntly.

"Uh – sure" He said, still looking confused.

/

When we got to the garage I sat down on the ground beside the box of drink.

"Ok so I'm guessing you know that I didn't really need your help to carry this." I said.

"Well yeah, it was kinda obvious dude."

"Yeah I know… Well anyways, I wanna talk to you about this whole situation… You've been acting differently, since Juvie. You're going out with _Lauren Zizes_… She's a cool girl but come on, let's be honest here; you're not bi, Puck… You're gay!" I said, sounding harsher than I intended.

He stood there in silence, not looking at me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt about it… Will you please talk to me? I'm one of your best friends… This is hurting more than one person Puck"

"Who?" He asked looking up suddenly.

"I'll get to that in a minute… Can you just talk to me please. What happened?" I asked.

He sat down beside me before letting out a grumpy sigh.

"The night I went to Juvie … My ma had a talk with me… Said that she noticed I haven't brought any girls home to meet her since Quinn. She screamed at me for giving Quinn and Beth up. Then she started screaming at me telling me that I'm a huge disappointment… How I brought shame to the family by knocking up a catholic girl and that I can't just be a good son and bring home a Jewish girl" He said, pausing for a few seconds before continuing.

"I ran out. I realized that I can't be gay. She'd never accept it. She's a devout Jew and she wants me to take home a Jewish girl… I was so angry and scared that I tried to steal the ATM. I was gonna run away, start a new life… But then I got caught… Juvie; that was hard. They pulled out my nipple ring in the first hour" He said.

"When I came back I decided that I had to become popular again; be the badass that gets the girls, the guy that everyone is afraid of. I decided that Sugar couldn't stay being my 'girlfriend' cause she's not Jewish. And then I met Lauren… She's Jewish and she's tough just like my ma… the perfect girl to take home to her." He said.

"Wow… Puck I'm sorry about what your mam said to you. That must be hard to hear. But you need to remember, it's your life. No one else's. You can try to be popular again but don't forget about us in the process… Does think you guys are on for real?" I asked.

"No, she knows about me. We made a deal. She'll pretend to be my girl and meet my ma as long as being with me helps her popularity. She gets to make out with me too." Puck said, smirking.

"But you're right… I'm not bi… That's why it hit me so hard… what ma said. Cause I know I can't take a girl home… When I kiss Lauren, when I kissed Sugar, Santana and Quinn; I felt nothing. But when I kissed you last year… I felt fireworks… cause you're a guy." He said.

"Well I'm glad you can admit that now. I had a feeling to say the least… Look Noah, there's something else I need to talk to you about… Sugar" I said.

"Oh? What about her? Is she ok?" he asked, looking worried.

"Um… When you were at Juvie, she told me something… She likes you Puck, in more than a friendship kinda way. I tried telling her that you were gay and that you wouldn't be interested but she wouldn't listen. She was going to confess to you when you got back… But then you appeared with Lauren. She was devastated. It's why she's been acting kinda weird lately" I said.

"Dude… what? I can't believe it! I had no idea!" He said, looking shocked. "Shit now I feel like a total asshole. Does she still like me?" He asked.

"Yeah I think so" I said. "I think you should talk to her about it… Explain why you're with Lauren now and why you can't be with you. She needs to hear it from you"

"Yeah ok… I'll do it now, I promise. Thanks Ryan… I'm sorry for acting like a jerk lately. We bros again?" He said, holding out a fist.

"We never stopped" I said, smiling, fist bumping him.

/

We walked back to the room with the box of drink in hand. The guys were dancing around the Christmas tree when we got there, even Sugar. Sam wasn't there.

"Hey Blaine, where's Sam?" I asked as Puck walked over to Sugar and Lauren.

"We thought he was with you. He said he was going to go help" Blaine said.

"No he never came out to us" I said looking confused. "That's weird" I said.

"Maybe he's gone to the bathroom?" Blaine said.

"Yeah maybe" He said.

/

A few minutes passed and Sam still hadn't come back. I decided to go and look for him, starting with 'our' room.

I walked in to find the room empty and clean, aside from the bed we stay in. It was slightly crumpled. I saw something on the bed. As I walked closer I realised it was a folded piece of paper. I picked it up and recognised Sam's messy handwriting immediately. There were small blotchy marks on the page. My stomach sank as I began to read:

**I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you. I'm so sorry.**

**- Sam**

_/_

**A/N: :'(**


	6. What Just Happened?

**6: What Just Happened?**

I stood looking at the note for I don't even know how long. I couldn't move… _Frozen_… I just went numb… My eyes darted back and forth, reading the words over and over.

**I can't do this anymore. I can't be with you. I'm so sorry.**

**- Sam**

What does that mean?

_Well what the fuck do you think it means Ryan? Sam just left you._

_I feel like everything is in slow motion. What is happening?_

I found the will to move my foot forward and sit down on the bed.

My stomach is doing somersaults…

_Maybe… Maybe it's just a joke? Maybe he's at my house now ready to surprise me?_

_Don't kid yourself… _

_But maybe he is? Sam has a funny sense of humour, maybe it's a joke?_

_I should call him._

I took out my phone and the number was typed before I even registered. I pressed the call button.

"We're sorry. This number cannot be reached at this time" The automated voice pelayed back.

_His phone is turned off… Either this is a big hoax or he really has left me…_

_No! No he can't… It's Sam… He wouldn't do that._

_What the fuck is happening?_

/

I sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to comprehend the information I had just found out, when suddenly I heard a knock on the bedroom door.

"Sam?" I practically screamed as turned around quickly.

"Uh-I'm guessing you didn't find him then? Blaine asked as he walked into the room. "What's that?" he asked, pointing at the note in my hand.

"Uh-" I paused, not sure what to say.

_What if Sam is actually joking about this? What if he hasn't really broken up with me…? I need to find this out first. I need to talk to Sam._

"Oh just a piece of paper I found" I said. "Sam isn't feeling well, so he went home early; he just text me." I said quickly. "I – uh, I'm not feeling great either. I think I might go home."

"Oh, are you sure? Well look, I'm not really in a festive mood anyway so I'll drive you home" Blaine said.

"No it's grand I can walk. Don't wanna leave Puck and Lauren alone with Sugar" I said.

"Ryan, you're not feeling well. I'm not letting you walk home when you're sick. I'm driving you home. It's no problem. Besides, Sugar will be fine. In fact, they're all dancing and singing downstairs together. Puck apologised to Sugar. Whatever you said worked" He said. "C'mon, let's say goodbye before we go".

_I was going to stop at Sam's house on the way. Fuck._

/

I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own two eyes. Sugar, Lauren and Puck were all dancing together and actually having fun.

"Ryan! Thanks for talking to Puck!" Sugar said as she rushed up and hugged me. "Lauren is actually really cool!" She whispered into my ear.

"No problem BMA, that's what I'm here for" I said smiling. "Uh-listen, Sam's sick and he left early. I'm not feeling well either so I'm gonna go home ok, Blaine is giving me a lift. I'm sorry".

"It's ok! Just feel better! Tell Sam I hope he feels better too!" She said before returning to dancing with Puck and Lauren.

_If only I could contact him._

/

The car journey was relatively silent. Blaine had tried to make small talk but I told him I had a headache, didn't really feel like talking. I feel bad.

The familiar right turn to my house was in sight when the car turned to the left instead; into a car park.

"Uh – how come we're parked here?" I asked; voice slightly hoarse from not talking.

"There's something you're not telling me" Blaine said.

"What, no there's not" I said, trying to muster the effort to focus on lying.

"Ryan, it's me, you can talk to me. I can tell you're upset. What's going on with Sam? He was acting all weird forgetting his presents, he left and didn't tell anyone, and when I knocked on the door, you called out Sam's name, but then you told me that he had text you that he was sick and left early." He said, sounding confused and worried.

_I can't even lie right now… I can hardly think at all._

"When I went upstairs, I found a note on our bed." I said, as I slowly handed the note to Blaine.

He read the note and paused for a few moments before speaking. "Oh Ryan… I'm sorry" He said softly.

"Great, so it's not just a big prank like I hoped? You're not in on it?" I said, somewhat sarcastically.

"If this is a joke, I don't know anything about it" He said.

"Did Sam say anything to you about any of this?" Blaine asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"No… Nothing at all. His phone is turned off. I don't know what I did." I said.

"I'm sure you did nothing wrong Ryan. Maybe wait until you talk Sam before you jump to conclusions" Blaine said, sounding hopeful.

"I will… But it won't do any good. I wish with all my heart that this was a joke… But I don't think it is…" I said.

"You're keeping it together well. Are you sure you're ok" Blaine asked.

"No… I'm not. But right now I just feel… Numb" I said solemnly.

I saw Blaine give me a look of pity before leaning in and giving me a hug.

"Let's get you home. I'm gonna be here if you need me ok. I'll try and talk to Sam for you. You try and get in touch with him too." He said.

"Thanks Blaine, it means a lot" I said.

"What are best friends for. You did the same when Kurt and I broke up" He said.

"Could you do me a favour? Please don't tell anyone else, even Sugar and Puck… Not yet. Let me figure all this out first" I said.

"Of course".

/

I walked into my house after Blaine dropped me off. It was dark, everyone must be asleep. I walked upstairs, opened my bedroom door and I saw… Nothing.

_He's not here. He didn't leave anything here… I really hoped he would be… That's it then… He really has left me…_

_No! I'm not leaving it at this! I need to talk to him. I need to._

/


	7. Why?

**7: Why?**

**Two weeks later:**

_Christmas came and went… It's New Year's Eve. I haven't seen anyone since the party. I'm still 'sick'. Evidently, so is Sam; no one has seen him since either. I've been trying to contact him for 2 weeks and… nothing._

_Now its New Year's; a time to look to the future and set a resolution. Well what the fuck do I have to do? What's the point? Sam left me… And it's obviously my fault… I must have done something? Why didn't he talk to me though? What did I do that could make him want to leave me? Why would have he have his first time with me and then dump me? _

_Why?_


	8. The Other Side

**8: The Other Side**

**Christmas Party:**

Sam was sitting alone in the dimly lit bedroom, staring at the note he had just finished writing. Tears were practically flowing from his eyes, some landing onto the note in his hands. He couldn't believe this was happening…

_Ryan is gonna hate me…He's the love of my life. I can't believe I have to do this to him. But this is for the best. He'll get over it and find someone else that can be with him and give him what he deserves… Unlike me. Blaine, Sugar and Puck… they're all gonna hate me too. I don't blame them… But this will make it easier for them in the future too… I hope I'm doing the right thing. It doesn't feel like it. Shouldn't doing the right thing make you feel good…? But I don't feel good. I feel like I'm never gonna be happy again… Focus Sam! This isn't about you. This is to help Ryan… Stop being selfish! _

Sam placed the note on the bed and stood up, before sitting back down, grabbing the pen and starting to write again.

**I Love you so much.**

He stared at the words for a moment before scribbling it out and ripping that section of the note off. He began weeping hysterically again before throwing the note on the bed and running out the door, down the stairs and out of the house.

/


	9. Done

**9: Done**

**A week later:**

_First day back to school. I've been at home for practically the last month. I saw Sugar and Puck once when they called over, worried that I was still sick. Blaine's been over a few times. He's been trying to contact Sam… Nothing. I've tried too, but again, nothing. No replies to texts or calls, no answer at his door._

_I've basically give up. I have no fight left in me, which is funny since there was never a fight to begin with. I'm just drained. I love him and I doubt I can get over this… But what can I do when he doesn't want to speak to me?_

/

I walked up the familiar steps into the halls of McKinley. I was a few minutes early today, since my mam dropped me on her way to work. The halls were practically empty aside from a few teachers and the odd student.

I walked to my locker and started sorting out my books slowly. After a few minutes I heard the nearest door open up. I peered around and almost dropped my book when I saw Sam walking out the door, hair wet from his early morning workout.

We both froze for a moment. I took in all the features I had missed for the past month.

_His lips, His hair; It looks longer, his perfect arms._

The moment passed just as quickly as it had started. I stood not knowing what to do. He shifted his eyes to the floor and awkwardly strolled to his locker (_I forgot how close it is to mine… On the same row_).

_The past month I've been waiting to talk him, trying to contact someone who just disappeared off the face of the earth… And now he's here in front of me… It's awkward. He's not talking. He must hate me with the way he's treating me… I don't even know what I can say to him at this point…_

A few moments later and I heard the locker close quickly and he darted out of sight.

/

**Lunchtime:**

Blaine and I were talking at the lockers.

"That must have been tough. I can't believe Sam didn't even say anything. He hasn't even spoke to me in weeks. You ok?" Blaine said.

"No but I'll get there, I hope…. Still numb." I said dryly.

"So are you gonna tell the guys soon? They probably already suspect something" Blaine said.

"Yeah I'll probably will soon."

"Tell us what?" Sugar piped in as her and Puck walked over to us.

"Oh-uh um" I stuttered.

"Ryan was just telling me that he heard Mr Schue talking to Coach Beiste earlier and we might be doing the halftime show this week." Blaine said quickly.

"Yeah" I said dryly, turning around and mouthing 'thank you' to Blaine.

"Dude, are you ok? You've been acting weird lately… Sam too… Come to think of it, where is Sam?" Puck asked, looking confused.

I didn't know what to say, so I continued packing up my bags.

"Hey, you dropped something!" Sugar said excitedly, bending down to pick it up.

"Ryan!" Blaine said quickly.

"I turned to see Sugar holding the note and reading it as her face scrunched in concentration. Puck was reading it over her shoulder.

"I'm gonna kill that punk" Puck muttered.

"Ryan, what is this?" Sugar asked, looking shocked.

I shared a defeated look with Blaine before sighing.

"At your Christmas party, when I went looking for Sam, I found that note on my bed. Sam had already left. I didn't tell you because I wanted to talk to Sam first and see if it was just a huge joke… But Sam hasn't spoken to me at all… I saw him this morning for the first time since the party and he completely ignored me…" I said dryly.

"Dude, what the fuck? Have you been dealing with this by yourself for a whole month?" Puck asked.

"Well no, Blaine knew. He knew something was up, so I couldn't really hide it" I said.

"Are you ok?" Puck asked.

"No".

"Well look, we're here for you ok. I'm gonna beat his ass when I see him" He said angrily, clenching his fists as he did so.

"No Puck, thanks but that's not gonna solve anything. It won't stop him hating me" I said.

"He doesn't hate you" Blaine said.

We were so caught up talking that it was only after a few seconds that I registered Sugar had started moving.

"Hey, Sugar where are you going?" I shouted as she turned round the corner quickly.

We shared looks of confusion as we quickly followed.

We caught up to Sugar as she was opening the doors to the cafeteria. I saw Sam with his back turned away, deep in conversation with Quinn.

"Sam!" Sugar shouted out as she walked right up behind him.

He turned around slowly only to be slapped hard across the face. Sugar looked at him for a moment before Quinn pushed Sugar and told her to get away from him.

Sam just stood there, looking stunned.

Sugar rushed back to us and walked out the door as we followed again.

We stopped in the halls and she ran over and hugged me.

"I'm s-sorry Ryan! But how could he do that to you?" She said sadly.

"I dunno Sugar… I really dunno" I said slowly.

"Look, we're here for you Ryan. You don't need to hide things from us. We're here to help" Blaine said.

"Totally dude. After everything, we'll always be here for you" Puck said.

"Totally!" Sugar said, still clinging to me.

"Thanks guys… It means a lot" I said, cracking a small smile for the first time in weeks.

/

**Later that day:**

Glee practise was almost over. Sam was sitting with Quinn on the other side of the room.

"So guys, it's come to my attention that there's been some violence today within the club. Sam, Sugar; would you care to explain?" Mr Schue said.

"It was just a misunderstanding. It's cool" Sam said, carefully not looking in our direction.

"Uh-yeah, just a big misunderstanding" Sugar said, looking slightly confused.

"Ok guys well if you're sure. Well that's it for today. Make sure you think of lots of ideas for the halftime show! See you tomorrow!" Mr Schue said.

Sam left quickly with Quinn.

"I hate that he won't even speak to me, yet I can't take my eyes off him." I said solemnly.

"It passes" Blaine said softly.

"Don't think about him dude. Not worth it." Puck said.

"So where are you guys headed now?" I asked.

"I was gonna go to the arcade. You guys wanna come?" Puck asked.

"Sure" Both Sugar and Blaine said.

"Yeah I'll go… I just wanna do something first ok… Can I meet you guys there in about a half an hour?" I asked.

"Sure… You're not gonna go kill Sam are you?" Sugar asked suspiciously.

"No, I just need to do something. I'm not gonna go talk to Sam or do anything to him. Promise" I said, chuckling a little.

"Ok, well we'll see you later then… Ryan, remember what we said earlier… We're always here" Blaine said as Puck, Sugar and himself all gave me a bone crushing hug.

"Thanks guys".

/

I walked onto the stage of the auditorium shortly after leaving the guys. I lay down in the centre of the stage.

_I can't keep doing what I'm doing; pining after someone who has obviously moved on… I love Sam with all my heart, but it doesn't seem to be reciprocal anymore… I can't keep chasing him. I need to move on for my own sake. _

_But we had so many good times together… amazing actually. He really changed my life and made it better. I'm grateful for that..._

_Like I said… I can't keep on chasing something that doesn't want to be caught… But for a few more moments, I just wanna sit here and remember all the good times we had, on this very stage especially…_

_I need to do this… I'm ready._

I started playing the music in my head before standing up and starting to sing:

**We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own**

We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

_I started to feel the numbness fading away… I was getting emotional._

**I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel**

Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

_Tears started to rapidly fall from my eyes. _

**Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads**

I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own

_I started walking around the stage, remembering all the memories I had with him, crying as I did so._

**If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I began to walk off the stage, wiping the tears from my eyes as I did so.

_It's over… It's really over..._

/

**A/N:**** Ah! The emotions are just flowing out right now! :'(**

**On a happier note; I'm glad people like the story and I'm also glad you liked the chapter in Sam's POV! **

**I'm not going to be doing that too often, but chapters in other characters POVs will definitely still pop up every now and again.**

**I think an important aspect of this story is that it's told almost completely from Ryan's point of view. I want to do it this way so you can really see life through his eyes. You hear his opinions, how he interprets an event, idea, opinion, etc. He may not always be right, but that's all part of growing up. You see him make mistakes.**

**Anyways, hopefully that makes some sort of sense? :P**

**I'll be back as soon as possible with the next chapter! **


	10. Valentines Surprise

**10: Valentines Surprise**

**A week later:**

_This week has been better. I'm not even gonna lie and say that I'm over Sam; I'm far from it. But I'm at least getting used to being ignored. I'm getting on with things. Singing Chasing Cars helped me let go last week._

_This week is gonna be tough though…_

/

"Valentines is coming up! So for this week's lesson; I want you guys to pick a partner, cause you're gonna sing to them what you think is the worlds greatest love song" Mr Schue said excitedly.

Mercedes, Blaine, Sugar and I all rolled our eyes.

"Find a song that communicates all the things that love means to you" He continued.

"Yeah I'm not singing a love song Mr Schue." I said.

"Me neither" "Me too!" "Mmm-hmm" Blaine, Sugar and Mercedes chimed in respectively.

"Not in the Valentines spirit guys?" Mr Schue asked, looking disappointed.

"Well what's the point in singing a love song when you have no one you want to sing to?" I said, looking at Sam out of the corner of my eye. He was looking at the ground.

"That's true Ryan. Well you can all sing a love song if you're comfortable."

Finn then got up and proceeded to give a speech about how he's the biggest 'celebrity' in glee and he's gonna help us out cause we're like a charity… Normally I ignore his speeches in class but this one is just too douchey to ignore.

"So should I take this one or you?" I whispered into Santana's ear.

"I'll take it" She said with an evil smirk.

She went on to insult Finn but then the club turned on Santana for being a bitch… She ran out.

/

I walked out of glee club a few minutes later to find Brittany consoling a crying Santana on the ground outside.

"Hey, look what Rachel and the others said to you was unfair. But they have a point you know. I get that you're honest and I actually like that about you… But sometimes you can be too honest… I'm like that when it comes to Finn… Maybe we both need to dial it down a little bit?" I said softly.

"Ugh I'm just telling the truth! But fine, if the glee club is too scared to handle it. I'll tone it down a bit" She said angrily.

"Cool, hey, a few of us are going to the Lima Bean, you guys wanna come?" I asked.

"I can't. I have Motocross practise and then I need to buy nicotine patches for Lord Tubbington" Brittany said airily.

"I'll go as long as FrankenBerry aren't there" Santana said.

/

Blaine, Sugar, Santana, Puck and I all sat into one of the booths at the Lima Bean.

"Ugh, gross. How is this possible? I'm the hottest piece of action at this school and here I am; single. Ugh, whatever." Santana said angrily.

"Maybe cause you're secretly in love with Brittany" I said, resulting in her giving me a death stare.

"Oh and how's Trouty Mouth these days?" She retorted.

"Guys, chill" Puck said.

"At least you have a date for Valentines… Kinda" Sugar said.

"Ugh, don't they have anything here that isn't covered with stupid little hearts? Gross" Blaine said.

"Valentines was great last year… Now it's shit" I said.

"I used to think all of this was cute. It used to be my favourite holiday… Having a day where you're just encouraged to lay it all on the line and tell someone: I'm in love with you'". Blaine said.

"Someone's changed their tune" Puck said.

"Annoying thing is, if we were actually with people. We'd think this was the best holiday ever… But cause we're single… The world is basically saying 'fuck you' to us for a whole day!" I said angrily.

"Guy we need to stop being so negative! Let's turn this into a day we can enjoy!" Sugar said.

"How?" Santana said, rolling her eyes.

"Singles dinner at Breadstix!" She said excitedly.

"That is the saddest thing I think I've ever heard…" Santana said harshly.

"Ah no, it's not actually a bad idea… A dinner though? That is a bit depressing… Maybe we could do a kind of concert? Sing some songs about the crappy side of love. Make it known that Valentines isn't just about couples" I said.

"That's actually not a bad idea…" Blaine said.

"Ugh, fine… But don't add me in as a host. I'll go for moral support" Santana said.

/

**Two days later:**

The singles dinner/concert is currently underway and it's actually going well, except for the fact that we're only singing songs that are depressing as fuck (Great songs but they're all sad/heartbreak types… This is meant to be about single power)… 'Who Knew' by P!nk, 'Mad World', ADELE, and so forth… The guys like our singing at least! There's a good turnout… Tina, Mike, Rachel (+ Kurt… Awkward for Blaine), Mercedes, Brittany, Artie and Lauren all showed up too. Finn and Quinn are at home with mono; thanks to Santana (apparently Quinn's cheating on Sam with Finn… But it doesn't involve me anymore so no point dwelling on it.

Blaine, Sugar and I were halfway through Britney's 'Everytime' when none other than Sam walked in and sat at a table at the back.

At the end of the song I ran to called Santana over.

"Ok guys, I didn't think _he _would turn up… I seriously don't want to come across like I'm still head over heels for _him. _I mean, I know I am but since he's not, I don't want to look sad… We need to sing happier songs… Or at least angry songs…" I said.

"You're right… We just look depressed up here singing all these sad songs." Blaine said.

Santana and Sugar nodded in agreement.

"Ok first, Santana, Sugar; can you back me up with one song?"

"Hold up! I said I'm just here for moral support!" Santana said.

"Santana shut up and do this for Ryan!" Sugar said fiercely.

Santana looked visibly shocked as she waked on stage in defeat.

I walked on stage and grabbed the mic.

"Ok guys so this next one isn't gonna be slow and sad! I know, shocker, right? This next song isn't exactly a love song… And it has a whole other meaning that's way bigger than you or me. But I love the song and I can relate to some of the lyrics. Hope you guys enjoy." I said.

**Cold War:**

**Ryan (Sugar/Santana on backup):**

**So you think I'm alone?****  
****But being alone's the only way to be****  
****When you step outside****  
****You spend life fighting for your sanity****This is a cold war****  
****You better know what you're fighting for****  
****This is a cold war****  
****Do you know what you're fighting for?****If you wanna be free?****  
****Below the ground's the only place to be****  
****Cause in this life****  
****You spend time running from depravity****This is a cold war****  
****Do you know what you're fighting for?****  
****This is a cold war****  
****You better know what you're fighting for****  
****This is a cold war****  
****You better know what you're fighting for****  
****This is a cold war****  
****Do you know what you're fighting for?****Bring wings to the weak and bring grace to the strong****  
****May all evil stumble as it flies in the world****  
****All the tribes comes and the mighty will crumble****  
****We must brave this night and have faith in love****I'm trying to find my peace****  
**

_I looked at Sam for a split second as I sang the next line._

**I was made to believe there's something wrong with me****  
****And it hurts my heart****  
****Lord have mercy, ain't it plain to see?****This is a cold war****  
****You better know what you're fighting for****  
****This is a cold war****  
****Do you know what you're fighting for?****Do you know it's a cold, cold war?****  
****Do you, do you do you?****Bye, bye, bye, bye****  
****Don't you cry when I say goodbye**

Everyone cheered as I finished and Blaine stood up on stage.

"Ok guys, so here's another upbeat one that Ryan and I are gonna sing for you all; here's Silly Love Songs"

/

We sang a few more upbeat songs before finishing up. I looked down to the back of the room to see Sam's seat was empty.

All the guys left a few minutes later, leaving Blaine and I at the table finishing off a drink.

"Well that was a success" Blaine said optimistically.

"I suppose… Didn't help me with the whole Sam thing though. Even when I sang the upbeat songs, they were all directed at him. Cold War was probably a bit too obvious" I said, slouching in the chair.

"No, it was great. Blaine said. "Trust me. You saw the reaction you got from that song" He said.

"Ha well thanks… I don't wanna be depressed… I have an idea,,, You wanna get drunk?" I asked.

Blaine paused a moment before answering.

"Why not" He said, smiling.

/

We were sitting in Blaine's sitting room enjoying listening to music. His parent's were out of town on business, as usual. There were 2 shoulders of vodka gone already. Puck was able to get us the drink.

_I'm drunk… Like really drunk… I haven't been this drunk before._

_Pretty sure Blaine is too considering he's dancing around to Doctor Jones._

Blaine sat down next to me a few minutes later, exhausted from dancing non-stop, his hair extremely dishevelled.

"That was fun!" He said before slouching into the chair.

"It looked fun! Y'know, your hair is actually really nice when it's curly. Why do you always gel it so much?" I asked.

"No! It's horrible when it's not gelled. It's like I rubbed my head with 20 balloons!" He said overly dramatically.

I laughed hard at his reaction.

"You wanna know a secret?" Blaine said sneakily.

"Uh, sure?" I said, looking curious.

"I'm over Kurt. I have been for a while. I didn't even feel anything when he came to Breadstix tonight! We rushed into things you know! I think we got together cause we were both the only out gay guys at McKinley. I think if he hadn't lied and kissed someone else we probably wouldn't have worked anyway" Blaine said before saying "Shhh, don't tell anyone".

"I won't. You wanna know a secret too?" He nodded eagerly, turning onto his belly and holding his head up with his hands.

"Sam and I had sex… like 2 weeks before he dumped me. We had been talking about it and it happened the night we drew at Sectionals. I'm not be angry that I lost my virginity to him, cause it was perfect in the moment" I said, somewhat sadly.

"Wow! Lucky you. Well not lucky after everything… But you still lost your virginity! Kurt only let me make out with him… and he made us schedule them" Blaine said resentfully

"Wow that sounds shit." "Yep!" He said before turning around and laying his head on my lap playfully.

"You're really drunk!" I said, bursting out laughing.

"So are you! You kept falling over when you were dancing!" Blaine said, playfully tapping me on the nose.

"Well I'm not falling now! Am I?" I said proudly, before leaning over too much and sliding off the couch.

I was leaning against the couch and turned back around to see Blaine head just behind mine.

We burst into fits of laughter.

"I think I spoke too soon" I said, still giggling.

"You're cute when you laugh. You have a really nice smile" Blaine said, still giggling also.

"Thanks, but not really" I said instinctively.

"You do" He said before looking at me seriously.

_This feels serious… Don't laugh._

We stared at each other intensely for a few moments.

I could feel our heads slowly drifting closer.

We kept moving closer…

Closer…

Closer until our lips met.

/

**A/N:**** Didn't see that coming did ya? :P Or maybe you did?**

**This just got a whole lot more complicated…**

**Sam and Ryan will talk again too… But it'll take time.**

**Also, if there's any Klaine fans reading this. I LOVE Klaine. But for this story they're not gonna be together, so don't hate me :P**

**Side note: MERRY CHRISTMAS! :)**

**I'll be back ASAP but may not be able to update for a few days since it's Christmas.**

**Thanks again for reading this story! I really appreciate it and all the reviews you give me!**


	11. The Morning After

**11: The Morning After**

Blaine awoke with a start as the shrill buzz of his alarm clock filled his ears; and with the sound came pain.

_Oh god, my head… What happened last night?_

Blaine sat up to find he was only in his pair of tight boxers, which was odd since he usually wore pyjamas. There was a note on the pillow next to him.

**Hey, my mam called and I have to leave. Didn't wanna wake you. We need to talk later.**

**Ryan**

_We need to talk; sounds serious. I wonder if Sam made contact._

He stood up and walked out of the room and downstairs to his kitchen. There were a few empty bottles on the countertop. The house was empty. His parents wouldn't be home from their business trip for another few days, as per usual.

_I stink of alcohol… How much did I drink last night?_

Blaine continued into the living room to find the rug placed over the couch and the pillows thrown across the floor. There were a few more bottles on their sides on the floor, thankfully empty.

_What a mess! Why can't I remember this?_

Then he saw his bowtie on top of a black jumper; Ryan's. He walked over and picked it up. The moment he caught a whiff of the lingering aftershave left on the jumper, the memories came flooding back to him.

_The Valentine's concert… Ryan and I decided to get drunk… There was dancing… I kept flirting… I kissed him… We kept kissing… We went upstairs… what happened then? I can't remember? I'm in my underwear right now… Did we… Have sex?_

_Blaine… What have you done?_

/

Blaine cleaned up the house before deciding to lie on his bed, allowing the realization of what happened to come over him.

_Why did I do that last night? What was I thinking? I flirted from the minute I had my first drink last night, without even realising it. I put my head on his lap. I initiated the kiss. I was drunk… But I can't keep kidding myself… I like Ryan. _

_But what about Sam? Ryan is still hung up on him. I think Sam might be too… But I can't know for sure since he won't talk to us… But there is something else going on with the whole situation. Ryan was drunk. He probably doesn't like me. He loves Sam. He even said yesterday that he was only thinking about Sam when he sung at Breadstix._

_But he kissed me back? But maybe it was because he was drunk… _

_It's unlikely; but maybe he does actually like me too?_

_I was telling him the truth last night; I am over Kurt. We wouldn't have worked out. We're better off as friends. With Kurt, and with most people, my family included, I feel… restricted? I have to keep up appearances; the hair, the clothes, the bow ties. I have be a gentleman, the perfect guy. I have to act like I'm in a Rom Com. But when I'm with Ryan, especially lately, I just feel relaxed. I can be myself. I don't have to worry that he's gonna judge me. He even saw my un-gelled hair last night and he didn't laugh… He even said I looked cute. He doesn't judge me even a little bit. I need that. I need to feel relaxed and to be able to be myself, not what someone wants me to be. Ryan swears a lot too, which I think is really cute._

_And the funny thing is… Ryan is so great and making me and everyone feel better. Everyone seems to go to him for advice. He never judges us. But he always judges himself. He doesn't realise just how great he really is. He always puts himself down and can't take a compliment. I'm sure Sam was great at making him feel better… But now Ryan is alone again… I could be the new Sam. And I'd never do anything to hurt him._

_But then again… Ryan isn't out. I haven't been in the closet in forever… Do I really wanna go back in? I know it's not Ryan's fault. It's his family's hatred. Sam and Ryan had a pretty good year as a couple, even though they're not out… It didn't hinder them… Maybe it really isn't a big deal?_

Blaine's phone bleeped suddenly, startling him out of his little trance. He picked it up to see a text from Ryan.

**Hey, can I call up now? Hope ur awake :P**

**Sure now's fine :-) **Blaine replied, forcing a smile.

_He's coming over… Should I say something? I like Ryan more than a friend. I can't deny that… I'll never know if he likes me back if I don't ask. I'm gonna ask him on a date._

/

Blaine frantically got ready for Ryan to arrive. He had a shower, put on some cologne, gelled his hair a little and made some tea. It was ready just in time for the door bell to ring. Blaine ran to the door.

"Hey" Ryan said, with a small smile.

"Hey! Come in!" Blaine said enthusiastically.

"So how are you feeling? You hungover at all?" Ryan asked as he sat down.

"I'm good now, I had a really bad headache earlier and I'm still a bit fuzzy last night…" Blaine replied.

"Well I'm not surprised; we drank a shit load last night! I'm lucky though, I don't seem to get hungover, or lose my memory… I just get tired… So you need me to fill ya in with what happened last night?" Ryan asked.

Blaine nodded.

"Cool well this works out well anyway cause I wanted to talk to you about this anyway. Well we came here and got absolutely pissed. We were dancing around and then laughing and joking, and then something happened; I fell and we got really close together and then we kissed… I think you kinda initiated it? Anyways we started making out full on and then moved up to the bedroom, ripping off each others clothes, except for boxers, y'know, the works… And then we got into to bed, made out a little bit and then just cuddled and fell asleep."

Blaine's face was hard to read, like amusement mixed with shock mixed with disappointment.

"Anyways so I was just thinking about what to do now… We're both in such weird places right now; you and Kurt, me and Sam. We were lonely on Valentine's Day and just got carried away. So I'd say we should just forget about it? That cool with you? We were both drunk last night, it was only a few kisses. It didn't mean anything, right?" Ryan said lightly.

Blaine paused for a moment before replying. "Uh-Sure. Like you said; It was only a few kisses. Didn't mean anything" He said softly.

"Cool well that's sorted. I was gonna help you with the cleaning up but you seem to have it sorted so you wanna go meet up with some of the guys at the Lima Bean?" Ryan asked.

"Sure, let's go" Blaine said, faking a smile.

/

Blaine got homes shortly after. He told the others that his hangover started coming back. He walked up to his bedroom and lay down, only to smell Ryan's aftershave on his pillow from the night before. He started getting slightly emotional.

_Why did I kiss him? I've got all these feelings and I can't get rid of them. But I can't do anything with them now…_

_Ryan doesn't like me back._

**A/N:**** That was fun, trying to write in such a different perspective for the whole chapter. I kinda feel like Blaine wasn't written very well but hopefully I'll get better :P His point of view was important.**


	12. AN: Puck vs Blaine

**A/N: Puck vs. Blaine**

**A/N:** **So someone brought up a good point in a review that I'd like to explain. Thank you for reminding me to talk about this :)**

"I always thought that it would be Puck and Ryan next after Sam"

**For me, I think at the moment in this story, Blaine's feelings for Ryan will help add to the story. Whereas with Puck, I don't know if it's the right time, or even if there will be one. Here's my reasoning as to why Puck and Ryan wouldn't work well at this point in the story:**

**I know Puck tries his best, but in the show, his relationships don't tend to work out too well. I'm trying to keep him true to his character.**

**Puck is still in a weird place, like last year. He's still trying to figure everything out and find himself. He thought he was straight, then bi, and now after Ryan talked to him he's trying to come to terms with the fact that he may just be gay. He's still trying to accept it all. Last year he had the baby drama (which he refuses to talk about). This year it's drama with his mother, which is why Lauren Zizes is on the scene. He's trying to please his mother while trying to accept being gay, and still hiding it.**

**Ryan and Puck are on different levels right now. They had their little romantic stint over a year ago. But now they've figured that they're better off as friends, considering nothing has actually really changed with Puck as of yet… But he's getting there.**

**That being said, I do think Puck will always think "What If?" when it comes to Ryan. And I think Ryan does too. They're a good match. But then again, so are Ryan/Sam, and Ryan/Blaine. They all work well. I will definitely explore this in the future (I don't know when exactly yet). It may be just a talk, or a relationship, who knows :P.**

_**Now to explain my reasoning behind Blaine's feelings:**_

_**For one, Blaine and Ryan have been spending a huge amount of time together; with his breakup with Kurt, Ryan's breakup with Sam, they've been seeing a lot more of each other without the rest of the gang.**_

_**As most of you will know from the show, Blaine is a hopeless romantic. He really falls hard when he falls for someone. Normally, he's very outspoken when it comes to declaring his feelings for someone, for example, singing at a GAP to Jeremiah, or telling Kurt about his feelings the minute he realizes them. He was going to tell Ryan and ask him on a date, but since Ryan basically shot him down without realising, Blaine never got the chance declare his feelings and so now he doesn't know what to do. **_

_**Another thing; Blaine doesn't really seem to be into looks. He is all about personality. In the show, he is of course attracted to Kurt, but he doesn't fall for Kurt straight away; they're friends. But when he sees Kurt's vulnerable side as he sings Blackbird, Blaine falls for him. It's very plausible that Blaine falls for Ryan with the more time they spent together, especially considering how vulnerable they both are at the moment.**_

So that was a few reasons as to why Puck and Ryan aren't together right now and why Blaine has feelings for Ryan. Hope they make sense! Next chapter will be up by tomorrow at the latest!

**Oh, and Sam is still in the picture too, which makes things all the more confusing for Ryan. They're not speaking, so it's almost like a ghost of sorts… Ryan wants to try and move on but he can't fully move on cause Sam is still always **_**there**_**. **


	13. Comeback

**12: Comeback**

**Two weeks later:**

_I'm fucking pissed off. I know I shouldn't be… But I am. Fuck!_

/

"Ugh, why the fuck would he do that?" I asked angrily as I sat down at the cafeteria table.

"Dude, maybe you need to calm down a little." Puck said.

"Puck's right Ryan. Do you not think you might be overreacting even a tad?" Blaine asked.

"It's only Justin Bieber! He's dreamy!" Sugar said, gazing into space.

"I am overreacting. But seriously, right now, I actually don't fucking care! He sang _Justin Bieber_. He made a band called the _Justin Bieber Experience._ I hate that fucking pretentious cocky little twat!" I said angrily.

"Dude you're scaring me" Puck said.

"Ryan, calm down. I'm sure he didn't do it just to spite you" Blaine said calmly.

"But he knows how much I hate Justin Bieber! He used to say he didn't like his music, but that he didn't like all the hate he got." I said.

"Well just because you don't like Justin Bieber doesn't mean we all don't!" Sugar said, poking her tongue out at me.

"I know that. I never give you a hard time over fancying the arse off him. But it's _Sam_; after everything, it just feels like another attack at me." I said sadly.

"Ryan, I understand what you mean. But you have to try and ignore that. You'll never move on if you keep thinking everything Sam does is a personal attack on you." Blaine said, patting me on the shoulder as he did.

"You're right. I just got really angry… It's hard not to… I'm sorry guys" I said sadly.

"It's cool dude" Puck said, smiling.

"Anyways, guess what guys! Sugar Motta is making a comeback! No more pining over Puck ("sorry cutie" she said to Puck with a wink)! I'm going on a date with Anthony Rashad later. Mercedes set us up!" She said excitedly.

"Sugar that's great! Congrats!" I said giving her a hug, followed closely by Puck and Blaine.

"Thanks guys! Anyways I wanna go get ready! See you at glee practise!" She said before skipping away happily.

"That's great for her" Puck said happily.

"Absolutely. So guys, I've been thinking… Justin Bieber has no anthem songs. Let's be honest like. I was thinking the 3 of us could do our own anthem for glee this week; show the Justin Bieber experience what a real anthem is?" I said. "I also wanna start singing in glee again… It's been a while, with everything going on. Like Sugar, I need to make a comeback".

"That's a good idea. Justin Bieber really isn't a good example of an anthemic singer." Blaine said.

"What song will we do?" Puck asked.

"I was thinking of a song by a British boy band. They're insanely popular back home. Take That's 'The Flood'" I said.

"Sure, why not?" Puck said happily.

"I'll go work on some choreography then. Catch you guys later." Blaine said before walking away.

"He has a nice ass doesn't he?" Puck whispered

"What? Oh-um yeah I suppose he does" I said, shocked at the sudden observation.

"Well you're clearly into it" Puck said laughing.

"What makes you say that? I just agreed with what you said first" I said, confused.

"Oh c'mon, don't play dumb. Blaine told me that you guys kissed." Puck said.

"Oh right… I didn't know we were gonna tell people… It was just a drunken kiss. No big deal. It's forgotten about now." I said nonchalantly.

"Yeah that's Blaine said. But dude, why wasn't I invited?" He said, looking slightly offended.

"Cause you went out with Lauren instead. You got us the drink before you left! And we didn't plan on making out, we just got drunk and it happened" I said.

"I know dude. I'm kidding. Seriously though, a threeway kiss would have been hot." He said, almost too seriously.

"I'm sure it would have been, but don't expect that to happen anytime soon" I said, sticking my tongue at him.

"Don't tease me! You know how much I like that tongue. It's been way too long" He said, smirking.

"Puck c'mon now, stop! No. I'm still not over Sam. I don't want to be the person that uses their friends as fuck buddies, well technically makeout buddies, and then gets feelings for them, or vice versa. Someone will only end up hurt. I don't wanna do that to you or Blaine" I said sadly.

"I know dude. I'm just kidding around. I know we're just friends. Not gonna lie, you're hot (I started going red) and a great kisser. But it's just too complicated with me. I'm not ready for that. So it's cool, we're friends!" He said laughing.

"Well cool then. Um, Puck, can I ask you something? How are you doing with the whole Beth situation?" I asked timidly.

He looked away for a moment. "I'm fine. But I don't wanna talk about it".

/

"So guys; who's gonna sing the next anthem?" Mr Schue asked as Sam, Mike and Artie sat back down after singing yet another JB song.

"Mr Schue, Puck, Blaine and I have an anthem to sing" I said happily as the three of us walked to the centre.

"Ok guys, so the three of us wanted to show you what a _real_ anthem is, unlike any song performed by one Justin Bieber." I side-eyed Sam quickly. He was looking down, as per usual. "This band is insanely popular back home. This song is mainly about how the band survived through its struggles and breakups and came back stronger than ever" I said.

**The Flood:**

**Ryan:**

**Standing, on the edge of forever,  
At the start of whatever,  
Shouting love at the world.  
Back then, we were like cavemen,  
Beam at the moon and the stars,  
Then we forgave them.**

Puck:

**We will meet you where the lights are,  
The defenders, of the faith we are.  
Where the thunder turns around****  
They'll run so hard we'll tear the ground away.**

Blaine:

**You know no one dies,****  
In these love town lies,  
Through our love drowned eyes,****  
We'll watch you sleep tonight.**

All:

**Although no one understood****  
We were holding back the flood,  
Learning how to dance the rain.  
We were holding back the flood****  
They said we'd never dance again.**

Blaine:

**Bleeding, but none of us leaving,  
Watch your mouth son or you'll find yourself floating home.  
Here we come now on a dark star,****  
Seeing demons, not what we are.**

Puck:

**Tiny minds and eager hands****  
Will try to strike but now will end today.**

Ryan:

**There's progress now where there once was none,****  
Where there once was ah, then everything came along.**

All:

**Although no one understood,****  
We were holding back the flood learning how to dance the rain.  
There was more of them than us now they'll never dance again.**

Although no one understood**  
There was more of them than us learning how to dance the rain,****  
We were holding back the flood they said we'd never dance again.**

Puck:

**We will meet you where the lights are,  
Blaine:**

**The defenders, of the faith we are.  
Ryan:**

**Where the thunder turns around****  
They'll run so hard we'll tear the ground away.**

All:

**Although no one understood,****  
There was more of them than us learning how to dance the rain.  
(learning how to dance the rain)  
There was more of them than us now they'll never dance again.**

Now we'll never dance again.

Oh ah,**  
Oh ah,****  
Oh ah,****  
Oh ah,  
Oh ah,****  
Oh ah,****  
Oh ah**

The club all rose to their feet with applause, except for the JB experience. Sam was still looking at the ground.

/

"I wonder where Sugar is. She missed glee" I said, confused.

"Her date with Anthony must be going _really_ well" Puck said smirking.

"Sugar wouldn't do something like that on the first date" Blaine said.

"Hey guys, do you hear that?" I said, hearing the distinct sound of sobbing.

"I think it's coming from down the hall" Blaine said.

We walked around the corner to see Sugar sitting on the ground beside the auditorium door, sobbing to herself.

"Sugar! What's wrong?" I asked as I ran over to her.

"A-Anthony." She stuttered quietly.

"Did he hurt you?" Puck asked, eyes widening in anger.

"N-no… he just told me the truth. Guys will only ever want me for my money" She said.

""What did he do?" I asked, worried.

"He got really mad when we only went to the Lima Bean for coffee. He thought I was gonna buy him a big dinner at a fancy restaurant. When I told him that I'm not like that he got really angry. 'Said he only told Mercedes he'd go on the date cause he knew I was rich and that he wanted a nice meal. Then he told me that I should spend my money on a nose job" She said sobbing.

"Fucking arsehole!" I said, angrily. "Where the fuck is he?" I said.

"Calm down Ryan. He's not worth it" I said.

"Blaine's right dude; as much as I'd like to beat his face in, he's not worth it." Puck said.

"You're right… Let's just make sure our girl is ok" I said.

"This was supposed to be my comeback… But how can I comeback when no

guy wants to date me for me" She said.

"We'll find you someone Sugar. We swear" I said as we all hugged her.

/

A week passed by quickly. Sugar was in a bit of a funk for a few days but I finally figured out how to get her out of it. I asked Mr Schue to dedicate the week to European dance music, like he had promised a few months back. Sugar is really familiar with that music through me, so she finally had her chance to shine and be better than the other girls for once. She was ecstatic the whole week. She had a solo, 2 duets with me and lead the group number. She was really underappreciated before this but thankfully the club have finally seemed to recognise her talent. She doesn't have to worry about Anthony Rashad anymore either. Puck, Blaine and paid him a little visit… We never got violent. But we told him that if he even said one word to Sugar that wasn't an apology, he'd have us to deal with.


	14. He Speaks! AKA Session! (TRBHPTE)

**13: He Speaks! AKA. Session! (TRBHPTE)**

**A week later:**

"So did you hear Rachel's dads are out of town this weekend? She should have a party!" I said excitedly.

"Yeah but dude, it's _Rachel. _She's way too much of a prude to have a party." Puck said.

"Hmmm that's true… Well maybe you need to give a dose of the oul Puckerman charm; Flirt with her" I said.

"Ok! It's true. No one can resist Puckzilla! We're havin' a party!" He said confidently before walking out of the cafeteria in search of Rachel.

/

**Rachel's House: **

Blaine, Sugar and I were sitting on a couch in the corner of Rachel's basement.

The whole glee club was here, scattered around the room, being very quiet. Sam was sitting with Santana.

"This is terrible" I whispered.

"At least there's booze!" Sugar said.

"Sugar, its two wine coolers each… That might be fine for you but that won't even get me tipsy. I'm not exactly a twig; I need more drink" I said.

"This is Rachel's party. We have to follow her rules, unfortunately" Blaine aid.

"Uh-Blaine, look" Sugar said, pointing to the stairs, where Rachel was guiding Kurt into the room.

"Oh no. This is gonna be awkward… Now definitely I need more drinks" He said, slouching into the couch.

"I'll try get some." I said before standing up and walking over to Puck and Lauren.

"Hey Puck, can I've a word?" I asked.

"Sure what's up dude?" He said as we walked over to another part of the room.

"This party is really shit… Any chance you could convince Rachel to let us have more drink?" I asked him.

"Well I can try dude, but to tell you the truth, I didn't even think my flirting convinced her to have a party. I think something else made her… But I'll try!" He said before walking over to Rachel.

/

_Whatever Puck said worked, cause we're all pissed! Well, except Finn and Kurt; designated drivers._

We were all dancing around and enjoying the party. Almost everyone seemed to be in a good mood! Except Sam, who from what I could see was just kinda moping, and Kurt, who was lightly dancing and staring at Blaine.

"Hey Kurt… It's been a while" I said.

"Hi Ryan, yes it has been a while… How have you been?" He asked timidly.

"I've been ok… I dunno if you know but Sam broke up with me… I'm ok though… How come you're not drinking? Isn't Finn bringing you home?" I asked.

"I'm sorry to hear about you and Sam. You were a good pair… To be honest, I'm not drinking because I want to impress Blaine; can't get too sloppy." He said.

I sighed.

"Kurt, can I give you some advice? You need to move on. Blaine knows you're sorry, but you can't take back what you did. I know how you feel… The longing looks from afar… I do that with Sam… But I can't waste my life pining over someone. I need to move on. I still love Sam and a part of me always will, but I have to move on. You need to do the same… Try and be Blaine's friend instead of a boyfriend, because that's what Blaine wants… I don't want to sound harsh but I'd like to think that we're still friends, and I'm only saying this to try and help you" I said.

"Thanks Ryan. I'm glad you can still call me a friend… Now get me a vodka and diet coke stat!" He said somewhat sadly yet urgently.

/

I was dancing around for another while, mingling with everyone when I heard Finn make yet another annoyingly obnoxious speech to Rachel, something about drunk girl archetypes.

"Sorry for cutting you off Finn but I think you're forgetting to explain the drunk _guy_ archetypes… I'll fill you in Rachel; Puck; the 'so used to alcohol it hardly affects him' drunk. Mike; the 'overly horny for his girlfriend' drunk. Artie; the 'guy who turns into a pimp' drunk. Blaine; the 'extremely happy and dancey' drunk. Me; I'm the happy, dancey and very clumsy type while also getting very confident' drunk. Kurt; the 'delirious, pukey' drunk. Sam; I'm assuming the 'depressed' drunk. And from what I hear, Mr Hudson here is a weepy hysterical drunk!"

"Thank you for that Ryan." Rachel said before Finn continued with insulting Rachel.

"Let's play Spin the Bottle! Spin the Bottle!" She shouted.

/

_Everyone is seriously pissed… _

_We've been enjoying spin the bottle for a few minutes now. I've kissed Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Tina, Puck, Kurt, and Finn (ugh). Puck has kissed Artie, Blaine, Sugar, Santana, Rachel, Mercedes and Sam (awkward). Basically everyone is kissing everyone and we're all too drunk to care._

"Dudes I've got a great idea! Let's turn this into 7 minutes in heaven!" Puck said to a collection

"How do you play that? I've never done that before!" I said.

"Dude its simple. Spin the bottle, then go into the closet and have 7 minutes in heaven with whoever it lands on!" Puck said.

Puck spun the bottle and it landed on _Blaine._

They hopped up and went into the closet to a collection and wolf whistles, 'oohs' and 'ahs'.

_That's weird… Shouldn't that be me going in there with one of them? I mean, I got there first! Wow, I'm a slut… I've kissed all three of my best friends… What am I even thinking? Don't be stupid Ryan; they can kiss whoever they want… I'm not with any of them. Shake off the jealousy! It's just cause you're very, very drunk._

/

Blaine stumbled into the small, sweet smelling closet behind Puck.

"Dude this is working out really well! This will help with the plan!" Puck said happily.

"Yeah I suppose but I still feel bad. It feels like we're plotting behind Ryan's back" Blaine said sadly.

"But we're not! We're simply doing what we can to test if Ryan likes you too!" He said.

"I know but I feel shady" Blaine said.

"Dude, Ryan kissed you back that night. He kissed you and stayed in your bed with you and you cuddled! He likes you. You know what he said to me a few weeks back in the cafeteria; he still likes Sam but he wants to move on. He doesn't want to hurt either you or me. But I still think he likes you. When he's not looking at Sam, he's looking at you. I notice these things. He may not realise it yet, but I really do think he wants you. I want you guys to be happy and he might just need a little push to get there." He said confidently.

"I really like him. But what if he doesn't like me back?" Blaine asked sadly.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Let's make sure Ryan notices you first. He'll probably get jealous with you and me both being in here. I actually have a plan. It'll definitely make Ryan notice you." Puck said confidently. "You should kiss a girl. Be bi-curious."

"But I don't want to kiss a girl…" Blaine said.

"If Ryan likes you, he'll definitely get jealous!" Puck said.

"Yeah ok, you're right." Blaine said, slightly wary.

"Ok dude, there's 3 minutes left… Wanna makeout? We're still both single and we may as well actually do what we want Ryan to think" Puck said, winking.

Blaine paused before continuing… "Ok but just a little".

/

I was slow dancing with Sugar while we were waiting for Puck and Blaine to return form the closet.

_Why the hell am I bothered by this? I feel all depressed… Maybe I'm just lonely._

"Back to the game!" Mike shouted as Puck and Blaine emerged from the closet; Blaine's hair extremely dishevelled.

_What the fuck! Ugh I thought he was embarrassed by that hair! I was the only one that saw it!_

We all sat back down into the circle. It was Sam's turn to spin the bottle. It spun and spun for what seemed like forever before it slowed down and pointed at me…

_Holy shit._

We looked up at each other awkwardly before everyone started screaming and wolf whistling again. Sam stood up and walked slowly to the closet. I stayed in place for a moment before being pushed up by Mike.

/

I walked in and closed the door quietly behind me.

"Well this is awkward" I said before sitting down on the ground.

Sam sat down as well.

We sat in an awkward silence for about a minute or so.

"I'm so so sorry Ryan" Sam said sadly.

"What the fuck. You talked?" I said, eyes widening in shock. "How drunk are you right now?" I asked.

"I drank a lot. Ryan, I'm so sorry for putting you through all this. I wish I could tell you why but I can't." He said with tears in his eyes.

"You're actually talking to me. Why can't you tell me why? What did I do wrong?" I asked him.

"You did nothing wrong! I can't tell you because it'll be easier for you this way. I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have." He said, slightly sobbing.

"I've been miserable for months! How is this anyway easier? I've had to deal with being ignored for so long now. I was miserable for Christmas, New Year's and Valentines. So tell me again, how the fuck is this easier?" I asked, angrily.

"Ryan I'm so sorry. I hate myself for doing this to you, but I can't explain it. Please just trust me in saying that it's easier this way. I wish things were different." He said crying.

I began to tear up as well.

I noticed how close our bodies were to each other. We both leaned in and kissed each other, almost desperately clinging on for dear life.

Sam broke the kiss, leaned in and hugged me tightly, still crying.

"I missed that" I said sobbing.

"Me too… I'm so sorry Ryan. I wish things were different, I really do" He said.

We let go and sat apart again.

"Ok… I wish you could tell me why. But at least now I know that I'm not the reason. For the last few months, I thought I was the one who had done something wrong to make you leave me. I love you Sam, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. But I can't keep doing this to myself. It's not fair. I have to move on. I can't wait for you to get drunk again so you can tell me why. I just can't keep holding on to this." I said seriously, trying hard to keep it together.

"I wish you didn't have to do that. But it's for the best. I want you to be happy. I love you so much Ryan, I wish I could be the one who makes you happy but I can't. I wish I could explain. But I will always love you. Don't ever doubt that" He said, tears flowing from his eyes.

"So what happens now? Are we gonna at least talk to each other? Or is it easier to just go back to ignoring each other." I asked sadly.

"I don't think I can talk to you. It hurts too much" He said.

We were brought out of our little zone when we heard a bang on the door.

"Get out! You've been in there for 20 minutes!" Santana whispered loudly.

We jumped up and walked out of the closet quickly.

"Sorry! Sam was feeling sick! He needed to lie down for a few minutes!" I said quickly before leaving.

/

**An hour later:**

I was dancing happily with Sugar and Santana.

_I'm actually having fun. I feel good; actually talking to Sam. On one hand, its shit… But still, I feel like I've at least gotten closure. And I was being honest with Sam. I'm moving on. And I want to move on with someone else. I don't want to be this sad loner anymore. I just hope that we'll at least be able to talk to each other and be friends again eventually._

"What the fuck!" Santana shouted before grabbing my head and pointing my face towards a sight I thought I'd never see; Blaine was kissing _Rachel._

"What the fuck!" I repeated, shocked.

_I feel angry, really fucking angry. Why is he kissing Rachel! He's gay! I'm gonna go say something… No wait Ryan, don't say anything. You can't let people know you're gay. You're already drunk enough, don't embarrass yourself!_

/

I woke up the next day feeling exhausted and like I'd been hit by a truck. Thankfully I wasn't sick at least.

I couldn't help but constantly go over the previous night's events in my head. So much had happened.

_Why do I keep thinking about Blaine kissing Rachel? Why is this bothering me so much? I need to go talk to him._

/

I arrived at Blaine's house a while later. A very rough looking Blaine answered the door after five minutes of ringing the doorbell.

"Ryan, what are you doing here so early?" Blaine asked, looking confused.

"I just thought we could talk" I said calmly.

"Oh-uh ok, I have a killer headache. Can we talk while I lie on my bed?"

/

Blaine lay on his bed while I sat beside him. I had just told him about Sam.

"I'm worried about him. Do you think he's in trouble? It sounds fishy." Blaine asked.

"I dunno, but I'm not gonna focus on it. Last night was my closure. Now I wanna stop being a sad loner and move on. If I find a guy, then great, if not, then I'm gonna be a single pringle, and proud!" I said.

Blaine smiled. "You have any guys in mind? he asked.

"Um I dunno really. Haven't thought that far yet" I replied.

_Well, maybe I have just a little…_

"Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something else. Do you remember last night? You were kissing Rachel, a lot." I said as calmly as possible.

"Um yeah I remember, she asked me on a date this morning. I think I'm gonna say yes." He said a little awkwardly.

"Wait, what? Since when do you like girls? You're gay Blaine!" I said, shocked.

"It felt good when we kissed" He said softly.

"That's because you were drunk. So does this mean that it didn't feel good when we kissed? Cause we never went on a date" I said, somewhat angrily.

"No Ryan, it did feel good. Look, I don't know; I was drunk. My head is killing me. I don't know what I'm gonna do with Rachel. I'm sorry if that offends you. Why do you care so much?" He said sadly.

"It doesn't matter. Do it if you want. I just thought you were sure of who you were, someone to look up to and aspire to be like. It's your life, it doesn't matter. I have to go. I'll talk to you on Monday. Take an aspirin and take loads of water. It'll help"

I left quickly and began the walk home.

_I have no right to go and give out to Blaine about who he likes or kisses… Why do I care so much?_

_/_

As soon as Ryan left, Blaine sat up and sent a text to Puck.

**I think your plan worked. I think he likes me too :-)**

**A/N:**

**This chapter was really hard to write. I dunno why but it was difficult to decide exactly how to write this. But for some reason, I had to get the chapter out there and I couldn't focus on studying for my exams till I did, so here we are :P**

**I'll be back with the next chapter on the 15****th****, if not sooner!**


	15. Sexay!

**14: Sexay!**

**A week later:**

_It's sex-ed week in glee club… Which is really weird and I have no idea how it's allowed. But still, it sounds fun and Ms Holliday is back! She's great and she likes listening to my ideas. I'm shocked as to how little some of the guys here know about sex… I mean, Ireland is fairly conservative when it comes to sex, but I just found out everything I needed to know online… Mercedes and Finn thought you could get AIDS from a cucumber… What the fuck? Besides that, Regional's is on next week so we have to practise for that as well._

_Anyways, so this week I've decided to try and get more confident. Everything that happened with Sam and Blaine last week has made me realise that I can't be this sad, single guy anymore. I am gonna try and be more confident (without needing to get drunk) and more happy with myself. In order to do so, I need to up my sex appeal. I've been working on a 'sexy' song; a mashup of Girls Aloud's 'Fix Me Up' and Sugababe's 'Freak Like Me'. The key to being sexy in my eyes is confidence, and what better way to gain some than by doing a sexy song and dance. I'm not brave enough to do it in front the glee club, but I will do it in front of just one; Blaine. If I've learned anything from these past few months, it's that Blaine is __(insanely cute/sexy/confident/great kisser, he's got the whole package, and from what I remember of the night we kissed, I mean that literally!)__ someone that you can not only confide in, but also someone who won't judge. I know Puck and Sugar wouldn't judge either, but something is telling me to show Blaine. I dunno why. He is attractive, maybe looking at someone sexy will make me pull off a sexy dance more? Maybe…_

_/_

Blaine walked in to the empty choir room looking slightly confused.

"Hey, is everything ok? Your text was kinda cryptic. What do you wanna show me?" He asked as he sat down next to me.

"Um, well since our talk last week, I've been thinking about what I said and I realised that if I don't act on it, the whole thing will just pass me by" I said before pausing. Blaine sat up a little straighter and his eyes widened slightly.

"Oh, what part are you talking about exactly" He asked.

"Y'know when I was saying that I'm single and I don't want to be sad and I actually want to meet someone and see where things go."

Again, his eyes widened a little more.

I continued. "Well I've been thinking that in order to do that, I need to become more confident. Since it's sex-ed week, I thought I'd actually try and up my sex appeal, something that should hopefully help with my confidence. And that's where you come in; I wanna do a little performance and see what you think" I said smiling.

He looked slightly confused, possibly disappointed, for a moment before smiling and saying "Take it Away".

**Fix Me Up/**_**Freak Like Me**_

I start at the centre of the room, looking at Blaine and moving seductively.

**Oh, sex me up  
Cause I'm feeling like I want you now  
Oh, baby, come sex me up  
Cause I'm feeling like I want you**

I unzip my hoodie before slowly taking it off and throwing it to the side.

_**Let me lay it on the line  
I got a little freakiness inside  
And you know that a man has gotta deal with it  
I don't care what they say  
I'm not gonna pay nobody's way  
'Cause it's all about the dark in me (mmm)  
**_

I kick a chair to the centre of the room before grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him to the chair.

_**I want a freak in the morning  
Freak in the evening  
Just like me  
I need a rough neck brother that can satisfy me  
Just for me  
If you are that kind of man  
'Cause I'm that kind of guy  
I've gotta freaky secret everybody sing  
'Cause we don't give a damn about a thing  
**_

I slowly dance around Blaine before moving in close, our eyes connect for a few moments before I move away again.

_**'Cause I will be a freak until the day  
Until the dawn  
And we can (uh, uh) all through the night  
To the early morn  
Come on and we'll take you around the hood  
On a gangster lift  
'Cause we can (uh, uh) any time of day  
It's all good for me**_

**Oh, sex me up (oh oh)  
Cause I'm feeling like I want you (duh)  
Oh, baby, come sex me up (oh oh)  
Cause I'm feeling like I want you (duh)**

I move over the chairs and lie down on a set of three, before raising my legs up into the air.

**I've got the bug  
Feverish in the morning  
Night and noon and evening  
Yo, baby babe  
Come give me all  
The medicine I'm needing  
Gonna sure cure this bug**

All night (oh oh)  
Getting heated (aggravated)  
All night (oh oh)  
Sending sweeties, just can't eat it  
Oh, no (oh oh)  
Didn't mean it (Dip in now)  
So long (oh oh)  
This energy goes on and on

_What the fuck are you doing? You're embarrassing yourself! You're not sexy! You couldn't pull this off in a million years._

_No, stop! Keep going!_

_**'Cause I will be a freak until the day**_

_**Until the dawn  
And we can (uh, uh) all through the night  
To the early morn  
Come on and we'll take you around the hood  
On a gangster lift  
'Cause we can (uh, uh) any time of day  
It's all good for me**_

I moved back towards Blaine and began to lift my shirt up, before hesitating and dropping it quickly.

**Yo, baby, fix me up  
In the middle of the morning evening  
Oh, baby, fix me up  
You gotta heal me, all my sexual healing  
Oh, fix me up (woo!)  
Gotta give me some rubbing down and all of my squeezing  
Oh, baby, fix me up (ooh!)  
I want my healing (ooh ooh!)**

_**I want a freak in the morning  
Freak in the evening  
Just like me  
I need a rough neck brother that can satisfy me  
Just for me**_

**Oh, baby, come sex me up**

**Oh, baby, come sex me up (oh, oh)**

We stood in silence for a moment. Blaine's face was unreadable.

"Oh my god… What did I just do? I must have looked like a fucking tool. I can't pull that off! Shit, I'm sorry I made you watch that. Please don't tell anyone." I said before running out of the room.

"Wait, Ryan! Don't go!" I heard Blaine shouting from the room, but I kept running.

_You just completely fucking embarrassed yourself, well done Ryan, ya idjit._

/

**A few hours later: **

I was sitting on my bed trying to drown my sorrows by listening to depressing songs when I heard the doorbell rang.

"Ryanie, it's Blaine!" My mam shouted up.

_Shit, now I have to relive it again._

A few moments later and Blaine walked slowly into my room.

"Hey" I said softly.

"Hey, you left your jumper in the choir room today, I thought Ii'd bring it over" He said before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Oh thanks, I didn't even realise I forgot it… Listen, I'm sorry about earlier… I embarrassed myself. I just don't have the confidence to pull off something like that. I need to start slower" I said sadly as I propped myself up and sat beside him.

"Ryan, why do you doubt yourself so much?" He asked.

"I don't look like you, or Puck, or Sam, or any of the guys. I'm not like you. I'm not in perfect shape. I don't have a gorgeous face. I'm supremely _average, _and my mind never lets me forget" I said as I looked down at my feet before looking up at Blaine again.

He looked at me for a moment before leaning in and kissing me, hard. He raised his hand and held my cheek before letting go softly. _It feels weird to pull apart… Can he do that again?_

"That's all I could think about doing while you were singing that song today. And the only reason I didn't run after you was because I _couldn't_, if you catch my drift. You are sexy Ryan, and you need to accept that" he said before standing up and buttoning up his coat.

"I have to go; I've got homework to do. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget what I said" He before walking out of the room.

_What just happened?_

_/_

**My bedroom:**

_A few days have passed by. I'm still trying to understand what happened the other night with Blaine. It's made me question things to say the least. I haven't mentioned it since. Neither has he. We're just going on as normal, which is the way it will hopefully stay until I can figure all of this out myself. _

I heard the doorbell ring. I walked downstairs and opened the door to find a puffy-eyed Santana looking back at me.

"Santana, hey, what's wrong?" I asked, looking worried.

"Can we go talk somewhere… private?" She asked.

"Uh, sure, you wanna go upstairs or do you wanna drive us somewhere?" I asked.

"I'll drive".

/

We parked at a walmart car park shortly after.

"So what's wrong?" I asked her.

"I told her how I felt. I laid it all on the line and she threw it back in my face. She can't be with me because she loves Artie too" She said coldly, then angrily.

"Is that what your song with Ms Holliday was about?" I asked her.

"Yeah, like I said, I laid it all on the line for her" She said.

"She remained silent for a moment before bursting into tears.

I leaned over and hugged her.

"I love her! I told her that I love her and it didn't matter! How can she pick him over me? I don't want any guy, I want her" She sobbed.

"Santana, calm down. It's ok… I'm so sorry that this hasn't turned out the way it hoped… But this is a step in the right direction. You've accepted who you are and who you love. Don't give up on her. But still, right now, maybe it's not your time. But that doesn't mean it never will be. Britt clearly loves you too. Just give it time, ok? I know it's not what you want to hear… But just know that I'm here and so are the others too." I said.

"Thanks Ryan." She said before beginning to cry again.

"Maybe we should join celibacy club. Forget about relationships for a while, and just focus on ourselves." I mumbled quietly.

I sat there consoling her for another hour before she drove home, still heartbroken and overwhelmed with it all.

/

**A week later:**

"My husband is verbally abusive and I have been drinking since noon… I'm bored let's just see who won, huh" The announcer called out as we all stood nervously on stage.

I waved quickly to Kurt with the Warblers before returning my attention to the announcer.

"The New Directions! You're going to Nationals in New York!" She exclaimed.

We all cheered and began jumping p and down with both shock and excitement.

_We're going to New York! I've always dreamed of going there. This is amazing!_

I couldn't help but look over at Blaine, who was in between Puck and Sugar; all three jumping up and down in ecstasy.

_He really is gorgeous… How have I never noticed how cute his smile is? His whole face in general, actually. Wow… wow. I wanna go over there and kiss him right now._

/

**A few hours later:**

Sugar's party is in full swing. For the first time at our celebratory paties, no one is drunk, since we all promised Mr Schue we wouldn't after the TiK ToK fiasco. But we don't need it! We're all just so excited to be going to New York!

As we were dancing I moved over to Blaine.

"Hey, can we talk for a sec?" I whispered.

He nodded and followed me out of the room and up the stairs our room.

"Can you believe it? New York! I'm so excited, I've dreamed of going there since I was little!" He said, unable to hide the smile from his face.

I closed the door behind us before rushing over and kissing Blaine. I caught him off guard and he slipped and banged his tooth into my lip. I started to bleed slightly.

"Shit! Ryan I'm sorry!" He said, eyes widening as he began to panic.

"Don't worry, calm down. It's just a cut" I said before bursting out laughing. Blaine's laughter followed.

"That wasn't as smooth as I thought it would be!" I said as I plonked down onto the bed, motioning for him to sit down beside me.

After a few moments the laughter died down I looked at Blaine.

"So I've been thinking, for the last while, since Valentines… I've had these feelings… Feelings that confused me, cause they weren't for Sam. They were bubbling under the surface for ages and it's slowly been creeping out. But I didn't actually realise it until last week, when you kissed me again, sober. I like you Blaine" I said softly.

He paused for a moment before smiling a little.

"I like you too… I have since Valentines." He said, looking really happy.

I smiled again before beginning to frown.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking worried.

I looked up at him and took his hand in mine.

"I'm afraid… I like you. But I don't think I can be with you. You're one of my best friends and I don't want to ruin that. I lost Sam. We can barely speak to each other, it's too hard. I can't lose you too" I said sadly.

"But I would never do that to you! I really like you Ryan. I would never hurt you the Sam did!" He said slightly angrily.

"I never thought Sam would do that to me. People change. Circumstances change. Things happen to make people do things they don't want to… I don't think this is a good idea. I don't want to lose you" I said sadly.

"I'd never hurt you Ryan! And just because you're not speaking to Sam now, doesn't mean you never will! Look at Kurt and I, we're friends again now after you talked to him at Rachel's party!" He said.

"That's true… Blaine, I really dunno… You're sucking amazing and I'd be lucky to have you… But I just don't think I can do this… I want to but I'm afraid… Look, can you give me some time? I can try and figure this out. I don't expect you to wait for me… But I need some time to decide" I said.

"I understand. Take all the time you need. I'll wait. I promise" He said, before kissing me softly on the cheek, standing up and walking out of the room.

/

**A/N:**

**I'm back! I'm really sorry it took so long to upload this. After my exams finished on Tuesday I got sick, so I've been in bed for the last few days. I had no energy to do anything. But I'm back now and have time to write again!**

**Again, I'm really sorry for taking so long! **

**Here are two chapters to make up for it! :)**


	16. Born This Way

**15: Born This Way**

**Three weeks later:**

_Nothing much has happened in the last few weeks. I've been thinking hard about being with Blaine… But I just don't know what to do. I need more time. I really do like him and he said he'll wait for a decision from me, but I just don't know if I can put myself through the heartbreak of not only losing him as a boyfriend, but as a friend as well, especially after it already happened with Sam. Maybe I'll talk to Sugar and Puck about it…_

_Anyways, so this week in glee it's all about Born This Way and accepting ourselves, which I should love, since 1) it's Lady GaGa, and 2) I need a confidence boost. But after my embarssment doing the sexy dance for Blaine and what happened last week… I'm really not in a good place to gain confidence._

_/_

**Last Week – The Auditorium (The Glee Club's Night of Neglect):**

Tina had just come off stage crying. It was my turn to give my solo performance. Shitting it is an understatement.

I walked to the centre of the stage to see five or six people In the audience. My glasses were off so I couldn't see very well but I think I could make out Kurt, Jewfro and Becky Jackson.

"And now, please enjoy the musical styling's of Mr. Ryan Casey as he sings his heart out to Cee-Lo Green's 'Bright Lights Bigger City'" Sam announced over the loudspeaker.

**I been livin' for the weekend  
But no not anymore  
'Cause here comes that familiar feelin'  
That Friday's famous for  
Yeah I'm lookin' for some action  
And it's out there somewhere  
You can feel the electricity  
All in the evening air  
And it may just be more of the same  
But sometimes you wanna go where everyone knows your name  
So I guess I'll have to wait and see  
But I'm just gonna let something brand new happen to me  
**

"Boo!"

"You suck!"

"Go back to Scotland!"

**And it's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
Bright lights and the big city  
It belongs to us tonight**

"Lose some weight!"

Now Friday's cool  
But there's somethin' about Saturday night  
You can't say what you won't do  
'Cause you know that you just might  
I'm alive this evening  
It was love at first sight  
This Saturday  
And every Saturday for the rest of my life  
And everyone's standin' in line  
Yeah lookin' good and lookin' for a real good time  
So I'll never have to wonder if  
I'll have someone to share all of this with

_Ignore it Ryan. They're just trying to taunt you. Ignore it._

**And it's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
Bright lights and the big city  
It belongs to us tonight**

Yes I need it  
Everybody does  
Cocktails and conversation  
Music and making love

And it's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
It's alright  
Bright lights and the big city  
It belongs to us tonight  
Bright lights, bright lights, bright lights  
And the big city  
It belongs to us tonight

I finished the song to hear more boos. I could hear a faint clapping sound coming from Kurt's direction.

"Thank you, thank you! And let me add, go fuck yourselves! I said, looking directly at the hecklers before walking off stage.

/

_So anyways, I know they were only saying those things to get a rise out of me… But they still hurt… And I know I shouldn't take them to heart. But I do._

_/_

_Glee club was weird today. Santana and Dave Karofsky are together…. Well the guys and I know that they're each other's beards, but no one else does. They're starting an anti-bullying campaign at the school. Dave may be a supreme prick. But at least they're doing something positive to combat the bullying he was a big part in making so popular._

I knocked on Mr Schue's office door before walking in and sitting down.

"Ryan, what can I help you with?" Mr Schue asked happily.

"Um, I don't think I can be a part of this week's lesson." I said shyly.

"Oh, why not?" He asked, looking concerned.

"I just… don't think I can do the assignment. I hate a lot of things about myself. I don't even know where to begin. The assignment isn't helping me accept my flaws. They're just making me even more aware of them. I'm not like the rest of the guys in glee. I don't have a perfect body. I don't have a perfect face. I need glasses. I can't be myself."

"Ryan… You need to be aware of your insecurities in order to overcome them. All of your 'flaws' that you listed are not flaws. They're all about your lack of confidence. But think about it. Last year, you had never sung in front of anyone before. Now, you sing almost every week and you even had a solo at this year Sectional's. Did you think you'd have ever come this far? No, But you have and you will do this assignment this week. I believe in you. Not only me, but the glee club too" Mr Schue said before smiling and patting me on the shoulder.

"You're only problem is confidence. Believe in yourself the way the rest of us believe in you." He said.

"Thanks, Mr Schue. You're right" I said, smiling.

/

_I was not expecting this today. Kurt's back! Karofsky apologised to Kurt personally and apparently Santana and him (The Bully Whips) are now going to be his bodyguard when in school, to make sure he's safe. I can't believe it but I'm glad he's back. I was angry with him for a while, like most of us were. But it felt weird in glee without him. Blaine and him are friends again now too so it's all good._

/

Blaine, Sugar, Puck and I were all sitting in the cafeteria. Lauren had just left to go make Prom posters for her and Puck.

"So what are you gonna write on your shirt?" Blaine asked me.

"Um, I think I'm gonna say 'No Confidence'. I think it's pretty fitting, especially after what Mr Schue said to me yesterday" I said.

"That's a good one dude. Now you've accepted it, you can work on it and get more confident." Puck said. "I'm gonna go with 'I'm With Stupid' with an arrow pointing to my junk… I'm a horny guy. And like you guys have seen in the past, thinking with my dick led to some bad things happening." He continued.

"I'm gonna go with 'Misunderstood' cause people always judge me before they get to know me, cause I'm rich and sometimes cause I have aspergers" Sugar said.

"I was gonna choose 'Hobbit', but I think I'm gonna choose 'Hair' instead. I'm really self-conscious about my hair when it's un-gelled. I'm also pretty hairy… I have chest hair and my eyebrows are really bushy. It's something I've always been embarrassed about it." Blaine said.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed. It's cute" I said, smiling.

Blaine smiled back and looked at me almost lovingly.

"Ok sorry to break up the eye sex going on, but what song are we gonna sing?" Puck said smirking.

"I have an idea actually. It's a song about self-acceptance. I think it would work really well". I said.

/

**Glee Club: **

"Ok guys so Ryan, Blaine, Sugar and Puck have a song they'd like to sing to us" Mr Schue said.

Blaine, Sugar, Puck and I all sat in the centre of the room. Puck began playing the guitar.

**Ugly:**

**Ryan/Blaine/Sugar/Puck(guitar):**

**Sugar:**

**When I was seven****  
****They said I was strange****  
****I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same****  
****I asked my parents if I was OK****  
****They said you're more beautiful****  
****And that's the way they show they wish****  
****They had your smile****  
****So my confidence was up for a while****  
****I got real comfortable with my own style****  
****I knew that they were only jealous 'cause****All:**

**People are all the same****  
****And we only get judged by what we do****  
****My personality reflects me****  
****And if I'm ugly then****  
****So are you****  
****So are you****Ryan:**

**There was a time when I felt like I cared****  
****That I was shorter than everyone there****  
****People made me feel like life was unfair****  
****And I did things that made me ashamed****  
****'Cause I didn't know my body would change****  
****I grew taller than them in more ways****  
****But there will always be the one who will say****  
****Something bad to make them feel great****All:**

**People are all the same****  
****And we only get judged by what we do****  
****My personality reflects name****  
****And if I'm ugly then****  
****So are you****  
****So are you****People are all the same****  
****And we only get judged by what we do****  
****My personality reflects me****  
****And if I'm ugly then****  
****So are you****  
****So are you****Blaine:**

**Everybody talks bad about somebody****  
****And never realizes how it affects somebody****  
****And you bet it won't be forgotten****  
****Envy is the only thing it could be****All:**

**'Cause people are all the same****  
****(The same, the same)****  
****And we only get judged by what we do****  
****(What we do, yeah, yeah)****  
****My personality reflects me****  
****And if I'm ugly then****  
****(Yeah, you)****  
****So are you****  
****So are you****People are all the same****  
****(Oh, oh, oh)****  
****And we only get judged by what we do****  
****(What we do, yeah)****  
****My personality reflects me****  
****And if I'm ugly then****  
****(Yeah, so are you)****  
****So are you****  
****So are you**

**/**

**The next day:**

_Today was amazing! We sang Born This Way in all of our t shirts. We all just aired our insecurities out in the open and I feel so good after it! This has helped me so much and I really hope that my confidence will only grow from here on in!_

I was sitting in my room going over the events of the day.

"Ryanie! Can you come downstairs for a minute?" My mam called.

I walked downstairs and into the sitting room to see my mam, nanny, granddad, and two aunts all sitting down, looking very apprehensive.

"Is everything ok?" I asked as I sat down, beginning to worry.

There was silence for a moment before my mam spoke.

"Darling, lately your grandparents haven't been very happy. They miss home. We've been talking about it a lot and…" She paused, looking at my other family members.

"…We think we're going to move back home to Ireland."

/


	17. Realisation

**16: Realisation**

"…We think we're going to move back home to Ireland."

The silence was deafening as Ii tried to comprehend what I had just heard.

"What?" was all I could muster up after a few moments of contemplation.

"We're just not happy here, we miss our little village. This doesn't feel like home." My Grandad said, a sentiment echoed by my Granny and Aunts' nodding heads.

"But, why did you stay here for so long if you want to leave? We've been here for almost two years!" I said, unable to comprehend what they were saying.

My Grandad continued. "We decided to move here when your mother got the job. We're a family. We didn't want to leave each other. But we can't stay here anymore. Everything moves too fast and there's not enough emphasis on religion and-"

"Who cares about fucking religion?" I said angrily.

"We didn't raise you to be so disrespectful!" He retorted.

"How can you use that as an excuse to uproot the whole family again? You don't need a community to be religious! Faith is about what _you _believe in! Not what someone tells you to! And you seem to forget that there are hundreds of religions here! Everyone is included and you can still go to a catholic church!" I said as my temper flared.

"We aren't used to this! We want to go back home! It's too much for us!" He said angrily.

"And do you all feel like this?" I asked.

They all nodded except for my mam.

"Do you not want to leave?" I asked my mam.

"We have to do what's best for your grandparents" She said, refusing to look at me, instead starting adamantly at the ground.

I could feel myself begin to tear up.

"I have a life here! I have friends here… Best friends! I've lived more in the past two years here than I ever did back in Ireland! I have people who care about me. I actually like school here. I have a chance to be successful here! Why don't you think of that before you go back to our backwards village just so you can go pray to a God that doesn't fucking exist!" I shouted before running out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

I could hear my family have a shouting match before I ran to my room and locked the door behind me.

/

I had been lying on my bed for over an hour, just staring at the celling. I was in a trance-like state; numb. I couldn't even fathom what was happening.

I was shocked from my trance when I heard a knock on my door.

"Go away!" I shouted.

"Darling, please." I heard my mam say back.

I hesitated for a moment before walking over and unlocking the door for her. I returned to my bed.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as she relocked the door behind her.

"How do you think I'm feeling?" I said angrily.

"Sweetie, you'll get used to the idea. I promise," She said softly.

"I don't want to get used to it!" I said, sitting up, feeling my anger flare again.

"You know how much this place has helped me. I have friends, mam. I'm not the shy kid anymore. Two years ago, I couldn't even sing in front of you, and here I am today, singing in glee club every week _and _being a featured soloist in competitions! That would have never happened back home. And you know I couldn't say this in front of the others, but I can be myself here. I can actually think about coming out and not be afraid of having everyone hate you because it's against God's word. You know I love Ireland… But that place isn't home anymore… This is." I said, trying to keep it together.

"Darling, I know… I've seen how this place has changed you. You have amazing friends and I'm so proud of you… Ireland will always be home, but so much happened there. I had a dead-end job that I was stuck in. Here, I'm in this amazing job where I have the chance to get promotions and become successful, and give you the life you never had back home. For 13 years, people constantly associated me with your father, when we hadn't even been together since you were baby. This was a fresh start, away from everything. I need to tell you something, but you have to swear you won't tell the others" She said.

"I don't even want to speak to them again" I said.

She looked at me sadly before continuing on. "I've been dating someone, for a while now. I feel like everything was finally coming together for us" She paused and looked at the ground sadly. "But we can't stay for our own selfish reason. You grandparents took care of both you and me all of our lives. They're not happy here. They want to go home; to the place they were born and raised. We can't deny them that after they've done so much for us." She said.

I could feel the reality sinking in.

"But what about if we stay, just us?" I asked, almost desperately.

"We can't do that. The only reason the move here was so simple and easy was because it was the whole family. We can't do this alone" She said sadly.

She reached over and gave me a hug before getting up and walking towards the door.

"I'm sad too… But you'll get used to the idea. Try and get some sleep." She said sadly before leaving the room.

/

I had been sitting in silence for another hour, letting my mams words sink in.

Eventually it all became too much so I reached over and grabbed my iPod and turned on shuffle; the minute I heard the notes begin to play, I began to tear up and fully realise what was to happen over the coming weeks.

**I'd Wait for Life:**

**There's a place we used to be**

_Sam… My first love…We're not gonna have the chance to become friends again, like I've hoped for so long… _

**There's a face that I used to see****  
****There's a picture with you by my side****  
****There's a moment that I want to find**

**I don't know where to start or how to begin****  
****But I know I love you still****  
**

_Blaine… I was gonna say yes to him… I wanted to be with him too… Now we'll never get the chance to see what we could have been._

**If you ever turn away****  
****If you ever change your mind****  
****If the road ahead becomes too hard to climb****  
****If there's something in your heart that tells you to stop****  
****Oh to hold you close tonight****  
****I'd wait for life****  
**

_Sugar… My best friend… How am I gonna cope without seeing her every day? Puck, I won't be able to help him accept himself fully… And Santana, who will she have to talk to?_

**There's a voice shouting inside my head****  
****There's a space on your side of the bed****  
****There's a hope everytime there's a sound****  
****There's a silence that's playing too loud**

**I don't know where you are or how you may be****  
****But I know I Love you still****  
**

_Glee Club… What am I gonna do now? My friends, Mr Schue… They made me what I am today. How am I gonna cope without them? _

**If you ever turn away****  
****If you ever change your mind****  
****If the road ahead becomes too hard to climb****  
****If there's something in your heart that tells you to stop****  
****Oh to hold you close tonight****  
****I'd wait for life****  
**

_How can I cope with these amazing people disappearing from my life? All I'm gonna have left are memories… Distant memories… _

**If I close my eyes ****I'll dream a little deeper baby****  
****Cause you are always on my mind****  
****Yeah you are always on my mind****  
****For Life****  
**

The tears were now freely flowing from my eyes.

**If there's something in your heart that tells you to stop****  
****Oh to hold you close****  
****Oh to hold you close tonight****  
****I'd wait for life**

As the song ended I turned around, shoving my head deep into the pillow, before beginning to sob uncontrollably.

/

**A/N:**** Seriously, please do me a favour and listen to that song while reading the last part… I got so sad writing it :(**

**Take That – I'd Wait for Life**


	18. Rumours & Reconciliations

**17: Rumours & Reconciliations**

A week later:

_My family have made their final decision; we're going back to Ireland, no doubt about it. They've decided that we're going to leave on the 21__st__. Which I found out is the day before the glee club fly to New York for Nationals… I had a huge fight with my family, asking them to let me go to Nationals first… But they said no, something about flights being the cheapest on that day. I've tried to convince them. I argued till I was blue in the face. But I've accepted that they're not gonna change their minds… I don't know how I'm gonna tell everyone… I just don't know… My mam has talked to Mr Schue and Figgins and they've agreed to not mention anything about this until I tell the guys first… I think I'm going to wait until after Prom. I don't want my last few weeks here to be miserable. We all should enjoy this time. So yeah, maybe after prom I'll say it…_

_/_

I was at my locker getting my books ready for class when suddenly a newspaper was shoved into my face.

"Is this true dude?" I asked Puck say as he and Sugar stood behind me.

"What? What's this?" I asked, as I put on my glasses.

"It's the school newspaper. Look at the blind items section. Rachel showed us" he said, looking angrily.

I found the section and began reading down. There were 3 different posts.

"What prom queen candidate is spending a lot of time in her closet?" I read out. _Santana?_

"What Blondie former cheerleader is having a secret moonlight rendezvous with another big lipped Blondie? – Quinn's cheating on Finn with Sam?" I asked, looking up at the others.

"That's not what we want to read dude. Look at the next one" He said seriously.

"Which glee clubber is dancing a jig all the way back to Ireland?"

_Shit…. How the fuck did someone find out about this?_

"Is it true? Are you going back to Ireland?" Sugar asked, looking extremely worried.

_Quick Ryan, say something. You want to enjoy these last few weeks. You should wait a little longer before telling them._

"What? No it's not true. I have no idea why the hell they'd say that. But look at the other item on the list, apparently Quinn's cheating on Finn with Sam; as if that would ever happen! They're just bullshit rumours guys." I said as nonchalantly as I could.

"Ok dude, cool just checking. You scared us." Puck said.

_Great. Now I'm lying to my friends too…_

_/_

_The whole glee club is really being affected by these rumours. Santana and Brittany are fighting. People are going even crazier about the rumour that Quinn is getting with Sam behind Finn's back… But that can't be true, Sam's gay! I've had to lie to the whole club about my rumour. Blaine came up to me, almost in tears when he read the rumour. I feel so shit having to lie, but I really hope this doesn't backfire on me… I hope I'm doing the right thing._

_/_

The next day:

Sugar, Blaine, Puck, Lauren, Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Mike, Tina, Artie and I were all sitting around a table at the Lima bean discussing the newest rumour.

"How can Kurt be with Sam in a motel? It's so sleazy" Sugar said.

"Kurt can't be with Sam… Back me up here Blaine; up until a few weeks ago Kurt was still hung up on you. He hardly moved on that fast. And anyways, Sam's not gay!" I said.

"I dunno what to believe. All these rumours are really started to get to us" Blaine said.

"Look, I don't wanna get into it. But all I'm gonna say; Sam's not gay" Quinn said confidently before standing up and walking out.

/

The next day:

Rachel had just finished singing 'Go Your Own Way' and she was now arguing with Quinn about Finn (what's new?) and Sam.

"Nothing is going on between Sam and me" Quinn said, looking visibly frustrated.

"Y'know, I blame Sam for all of this. And Rachel I blame Rachel too" Santana chimed in.

"What did I do?"

"I'm sure you did something".

"I'm with Santana. I mean why doesn't Sam have anything to say about this?" Lauren said.

Sam looked extremely uncomfortable. He was looking at the ground; what he used to do when I looked at him.

"Seriously dude, what you're doing is not cool!" Puck added.

"Shut up! Sam shouted as he raised himself up on his chair. "Look, I'm not messing around with Quinn or Kurt or anyone of those guys! They're just helping me-" he continued.

"Oh is that what they call it now?" Mercedes said, irritated.

"Hold on, how are they helping you out?" Mr Schue asked.

Sam paused and looked at the ground once again. He looked so vulnerable.

"Kurt was bringing me some clothes and Quinn was helping me babysit my little brother and sister." He said sadly.

"Then why were you in that motel?" Finn butted in.

"Because that's where I live now!" He said angrily. "My dad lost his job a few months ago _then_ we lost the house so now we live in that motel, in one room!"

My eyes widened in shock. There was silence for a moment before Sam jumped up off the seat.

"Are you all happy?" He shouted. "The truths finally out" He said angrily. Our eyes locked for just a moment before he ran out the door.

I looked over to Sugar, Blaine and then Puck. They all looked both shocked. A huge wave of guilt washed over me.

/

At the end of glee practise the whole club waited until Mr Schue had left before talking about Sam.

"I found out when he delivered a pizza to me at Dalton. He asked me not to say anything." Kurt explained.

"We go to the same church, so he couldn't really hide it from me. He likes having a girl to take care of his little sister" Quinn said.

"It's been really tough for him. You know his blue guitar that he got for Christmas last year? He had to sell it to try and make ends meet." Kurt said as he looked directly at me, knowing the deeper meaning behind the guitar.

_His guitar; the one I bought for him…_

"Guys, we have to do something to help Sam" Rachel said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"We should all pitch in and but his guitar back for him!" Finn said.

"That's a great idea Finn." I said. He looked visibly shocked that I actually agreed with him.

"I can give him some money! Why didn't he come to me for help?" Sugar said, looking sad.

"Sam probably didn't want to feel helpless. He probably didn't want to feel like some charity case" Puck said.

"How exactly are you best friends by the way? You haven't spoken in months?" Mercedes said.

"Sam stopped talking to Sugar, Blaine, Puck and I right before Christmas. We didn't know why, but obviously it was something to do with this. We never stopped being friends. He just wouldn't talk about it" I said sadly.

"Well guys, if you give us the money, Finn and I will go over to his motel tonight and talk to him." Rachel said.

"No. Let me do it" I said seriously.

"Uh, Ryan, I think that seeing as Finn and I are the co-captains of this club; we should be the ones to do this." Rachel said.

"No. He's one of my best friends. I need to do this. Please." I said.

"All in favour of Irish going instead of the dwarf and the giant?" Santana said.

They all raised their hands except for Finn and Rachel.

"Ok well that settles it. I'll go over tonight, with the guitar. If anyone has anything else they want to give to him, maybe clothes or something, just let me know." I said.

After a few more minutes of discussion, everyone left to go home. Sugar, Blaine, Puck and I began walking out of the choir room.

"I can't believe it… Sam's homeless. Why didn't he tell us?" I asked shocked.

"I dunno dude, but we can't blame ourselves. He stopped talking to us" Puck said.

"Now that we know, we just have to make sure that he knows we're there for him, no matter what." Blaine said.

"I still can't believe he never came to us for help, especially me! I would have been happy to give him some money!" Sugar said, looking both confused and slightly angry.

"But like the guys said earlier; Sam probably didn't want to be thought of the homeless guy that we should feel sorry for. Sam is a great guy. But he has insecurities. Do you not remember when he first kissed me? He was too afraid to even talk to me for days after that because he thought he had ruined our friendship." I said.

"You're right. I didn't think of it like that. Anyways, I gotta go get a book from my locker. Walk with me Puck?" She asked.

"Sure. Meet you guys outside." He said as he and Sugar walked off down the hall.

Blaine and I continued walking until we got to the main doors. We sat down on the ground and waited for Sugar and Puck.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come along tonight? You might need some support?" Blaine asked.

"I think I need to do this alone…" I said. Blaine looked slightly jealous.

"You don't need to worry… I love Sam, but at this point. I just want to be his friend again. I really like you Blaine. Don't doubt that for a second." I said.

He brightened up considerably when I said that.

"Does that mean you've made a decision?" He asked.

"Not yet… I just don't know yet. I don't want to lead you along and make you wait for my answer…. But there's just a few personal things I really need to try and sort out first" I said sadly.

"Ok, I understand" He replied, looking a little disappointed.

_How am I supposed to break the news to him…? He'll be so hurt… God I'm a fucking terrible person._

/

I stood staring at the motel door apprehensively before placing the guitar case down beside the frame and then knocking on the door nervously.

Sam opened the door slightly as he peered out. "Um, I'm trying to get my sister to sleep" He said before beginning to close the door again.

I stuck out my foot, blocking the door from closing. "No Sam, we have to talk. I'll stay quiet, I won't wake up Stacey. Please." I said.

Sam looked at me sadly before admitting defeat and opening the door to let me in.

"Ryan!" Stacey shouted happily as she ran up to give me a hug.

"Hi Stacey. Hey Stevie! Look how big you've gotten!" I said happily.

"Well she's up now" Sam said with a light smile.

I took a moment to look around the room. It was tiny; one bed, a small TV, clothes and random objects thrown around all over the place.

"Well it beats a cardboard box underneath an underpass right?" Sam said lightly. "We keep the rest of our stuff in my dad's car".

"Everything else; it's all gone?" I asked sadly.

"We sold everything else…"

"Can we watch TV?" Stevie asked.

Sam threw his siblings onto the bed playfully before returning to our conversation.

"How did this all happen?" I asked.

"Well we moved up here cause my Dad got a great job offer and… The economy went to hell and it was last ones in, first ones out… We spent all our savings in the move and down payment on the house… And then the last straw was when I dislocated my shoulder back in September. My parents spent whatever they had left to pay for the medical bills… Y'know when the bank takes your house they literally take it. They come by one morning and kick you out of your own house; just lock you out." Sam finished sadly.

"I'm so sorry Sam… But why wouldn't you tell us?" I asked him.

"You've seen how information flies around that school right? You think everyone would have just treated me the same after they found out? I'd be even more of a freak" he said with a tone of resentment in his voice.

"You're right; the arseholes and bullies in the school would treat you differently. Maybe some guys in glee would too. But I would have never done that. Neither would Blaine, Sugar, or Puck. Sugar would have happily given you money without you even asking her! We're your best friends. You were the love of my life" I said in a hushed whisper so the kids couldn't hear.

"Ryan, you have no idea how hard it was to do that. I cut out the most important people in my life. But I wanted to make all of this easier for you." He said sadly.

"How? You said that at the party. But how is this easier?" I asked.

"Because if we became distant and stopped talking to each other. I knew it would be easier for all you guys when I have to leave" He blurted out quickly.

My expression changed instantly.

"What do you mean leave?" I asked, extremely confused.

"Mom and Dad are out all day pounding the pavement looking for work but… Nothing. They're looking in other states too. There are no jobs here at all. If my parents can get a job in Texas, or Mississippi, or anywhere else; we're gone." He said sadly.

"So all this time, you could have left at any moment?" I asked him, a little angrily.

"Yeah; we lost the house just before Christmas, which is why I decided to end things. It's why I couldn't even get you a present."

"How would it have been easier though? I would have rather you stayed with me. We could have had the best time and made brilliant memories that we could at least remember before you left. But we were both miserable for months instead!" I said both angrily and sadly.

"When you say it like that; you're right. But I can't take it back now. You have no idea how much it killed me to hurt you guys like that, to hurt _you _like that. I couldn't even look at you for months cause I missed you so much and it made feel like the worst guy on the planet everytime I looked at you." He said.

We both remained quiet for a moment.

"It's ok… I understand why you did what you did… Cause I'm kinda in the same boat." I said quietly.

"You're leaving?" Sam asked, eyes widening in shock.

"My grandparents hate it here. They're making us go back home. I've literally tried every argument and fought with them so many times now. But they're mind is set… So we're leaving the day before Nationals." I said, as I looked anywhere but Sam's eyes.

"What?" He said loudly. "You're not going to New York with us? But you've wanted to go there since you were a kid!" He said, looking shocked.

"Like I said, my grandparents won't change their mind… Mr Schue knows, but he won't tell anyone till I do. I understood what you meant about making it easier for people to let go and move on if you're not talking to someone. But I want to enjoy my last few weeks here. And I want all the guys to enjoy them too, which is why I'm waiting for about two weeks, until after prom. That way we'll have made some good memories before I go." I said sadly.

"I can't believe you're leaving" Sam said as he began to lightly tear up.

"I know. I can't believe you might be leaving too. Everything's changing…" I said as I felt tears beginning to form.

"Oh, I almost forgot… I need to get something for you. Two seconds" I said as I walked out the door and back again in a heartbeat, holding the guitar case in my hand.

"Is that what I think it is? You got it back? You didn't have to do that" He said sadly. You could still hear the excitement in his voice though.

"Yes I did have to. It wasn't just me; the whole glee club pitched in… But of course, they don't know the real reason why it's so important to both of us" I said, smiling a little.

Sam looked down at the ground for a few moments. He looked like he was crying. I was about to say something when suddenly he took a giant step forward and caught me in hug so tight I could hardly breathe.

"Thank you" He whispered into my ear. I couldn't help but smile.

I looked over towards the bed to find that the kids were fast asleep. "Look who's asleep" I whispered.

Within a few seconds Sam's hands were in twined in mine and we were kissing.

We stayed like that for a few minutes before letting go and sitting down on the ground at the foot of the bed. We were still holding hands.

"Who'd have thought that those two little Na'Vi words had such a deeper meaning" I said softly.

"I missed you so much" Sam said.

"I did too… I can't believe we're both leaving…" I said sadly.

"Me too, but at least we're being honest. No more secrets." He said.

"You're right… So what does this mean? What do you wanna do now?" I asked.

"Well I wanna talk to you. And I wanna be with because you're the love of my life. But right now, it's not our time, even though I wish it was. Long distance would never work, especially in a different country." He said sadly.

"I know. I'd do anything to be with you. But we've had a good few months now to get used to the idea of not being together… I just want to be friends. Let's just enjoy the time we have left together as friends without any drama, ok?" I asked.

"I'd like that." He said. "Can I tell you something? I overheard Puck and Blaine talking to each other at the lockers last week. Blaine really likes you, the way I like you." He said. He was impossible to read at that moment. I couldn't tell if he was ok with it or jealous and angry.

"I know… He told me a while ago… Can I be perfectly honest? I love you. And I will never stop loving you. But after that night at Rachel's party, I was able to move on. I could finally see myself being with someone else… I started to like Blaine too. He wants to go out with me. But I can't do anything now cause I'm leaving. I just want to enjoy these last few weeks without any drama. And I don't want to hurt anyone." I said.

"Well it's my own fault that you had to move on in the first place. I wish it was me. But just know, that if you're happy, I'll be happy for you" He said somewhat sadly.

We sat in silence for a few moments. Sam was resting his head on my shoulder.

"Life is shit sometimes…" I said sadly as we both stared into space, going over the night's revelations in our heads, and also trying to think of what could lie in store for us.

/

**A/N:**** I didn't have time to recheck this for spelling errors so if anyone notices any, please tell me! :)**


	19. Prom-ises

**18: Prom-ises**

**Two weeks later:**

_I'm a dickhead, plain and simple; every day the reality that I'm leaving sinks in just a little bit more, and with that the guilt that I haven't told the guys gets worse. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Getting to enjoy these last few weeks is all I have left. The prom is our last big memory maker…. Sugar and I are going together. Puck's with Lauren obviously. Sam is going with Rachel and Mercedes for a 'prom on a budget'. Santana's with Karofsky. Kurt asked Blaine to go with him as friends seeing as they're the only two out guys. Blaine came to me and asked if it was ok with me… I have no right to say anything, but of course I'm not happy with it… It doesn't matter; I'm just going to enjoy the night. There's one really great thing that has happened. Everything is back to normal with Sam. We're all friends again. It was awkward at first, especially for Blaine and Puck, but they got there in the end and now all is forgiven._

_/_

**Prom:**

I was on the dance floor with Sugar as Puck, Artie and Sam sand 'Friday' on stage.

"This is so much fun!" She said happily as she twirled around me.

"It really is. It's gonna be a great night. And might I say, you are looking amazing tonight!" I said, winking at her.

"I know; I went all out!" She said proudly before looking towards the stage. "I can't believe Sam is finally friends with us again. It feels like everything is finally coming together again, doesn't it?" She said as she danced happily.

"Uh- yeah it really does" I said, forcing a smile.

_Keep it together Ryan._

/

A while later Puck, Sugar, Blaine, Sam and I were sitting at one of the tables, exhausted from dancing. Lauren was dancing with Kurt nearby.

"So who'd a thought we'd all be back here together again?" Puck said happily

Sugar smiled happily, as did Blaine. Sam smiled, while looking at me. I knew what he was thinking.

_It's not gonna be like this for long… We'll be separated again soon…_

"_Well let's make up for the time we missed. This is a great night." I said, forcing a smile yet again._

"Yo, Sam! You're up!" Artie said as he moved to our table. Sam jumped up and made his way to the stage, picking up his guitar as he did so.

"So we're gonna slow things down for a few minutes, alright alright" Sam said, impersonating a celeb as he did so.

**Hey there Delilah,****  
What's it like in New York City?****  
I'm a thousand miles away  
But girl tonight you look so pretty  
Yes you do  
Time Square can't shine as bright as you  
I swear it's true  
**

Sugar and I walked up to dance, as did Blaine, Puck and Lauren. Kurt decided to go and talk to Mercedes.

**Hey there Delilah,****  
Don't you worry about the distance  
I'm right there if you get lonely  
Give this song another listen  
Close your eyes  
Listen to my voice it's my disguise  
I'm by your side**

_Fuck… Why this song? __This is making things worse…. I can't listen to this whole song._

Oh it's what you do to me,

**Oh it's what you do to me,****  
Oh it's what you do to me,****  
Oh it's what you do to me,****  
What you do to me  
**

_Sam was looking straight at me._

**Hey there Delilah,****  
I know times are getting hard  
But just believe me girl,****  
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar  
We'll have it good,****  
We'll have the life we knew we would  
My word is good  
**

_You have to enjoy this night Ryan. It's one of your last. Stop._

**Hey there Delilah,****  
I've got so much left to say,****  
If every simple song I wrote to you  
Would take your breath away  
I'd write it all,****  
Even more in love with me you'd fall  
We'd have it all  
**

I could feel the tears forming, desperately trying to hold them back as I looked from Sam to Blaine, to Sugar and then Puck.

**Oh it's what you do to me,****  
Oh it's what you do to me,****  
Oh it's what you do to me,****  
Oh it's what you do to me**

A thousand miles seems pretty far,

**But they've got planes and trains and cars  
I'd walk to you if I had no other way,****  
Our friends would all make fun of us  
And we'll just laugh along because we know  
That none of them have felt this way,****  
Delilah I can promise you  
That by the time we get through  
The world will never ever be the same  
And you're to blame  
**

"What's wrong?" Sugar asked after seeing a tear fall down my cheek, looking worried.

"Uh- I'm just happy" I said extremely unconvincingly. She looked sceptical.

**Hey there Delilah,****  
You be good and don't you miss me  
Two more years and you'll be done with school****  
And I'll be making history like I do  
You know it's all because of you  
We can do whatever we want to  
Hey there Delilah here's to you  
This one's for you**

Oh It's what you do to me!

**Oh it's what you do to me!****  
Oh it's what you do to me!****  
Oh it's what you do to me!****  
Oh it's what you do to me!****  
What you do to me.**

"Thank you, thank you! Now please welcome to the stage, Mr Ryan Casey" Sam said as the clapping died down.

I began to walk slowly towards the stage.

_I can't do this… I can't live this lie. I'm about to sing 'The One That Got Away'… I can't; I'll break down crying on stage…._

Before walking to the mic, I stopped in front of Sam.

"I can't do this. Ii need a minute. Can you sing instead?" I whispered quickly to him.

"Sure. Are you ok?" He asked, looking worried.

"I'll be ok. I just need a minute" I said as I began to feel hot and flustered. I loosened my tie and unbuttoned the first button of my shirt as I ran out of the room as fast as I could, tears beginning to fall from my face yet again..

/

I was sitting on the ground, leaning against my locker, with my head buried in my hands.

Suddenly I heard footsteps and looked up to see Blaine hurrying over. "Ryan, what's wrong?" He said, looking really worried.

"Everything… I'm a horrible person" I sobbed. "All I wanted was to enjoy these last few weeks but I can't keep living a lie! I can't keep hurting you and leading you on!" I said.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, looking worried.

Suddenly I heard footsteps again as Sugar and Puck wheeled round the corner.

"Thought we'd come check on you two to make sure there's no funny busi- What's wrong?" Puck asked, his tone suddenly changing when he saw me.

I paused for a moment, looking at all 3 as I balled my eyes out.

"Before I say this… Just know that I love you guys so much and I'm so so sorry for not telling you sooner; I just wanted to enjoy these last few weeks as much as we could… I'm moving back to Ireland, the day before Nationals… My grandparents won't stay here anymore. They hate it" I said as I sobbed.

Sugar fell to her knees and began to cry. Puck looked shocked and lost for words. Blaine was the first to speak.

"But you can't just leave? Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Blaine said as his voice cracked.

"I don't want to leave. I love it here. You guys and Sam have literally changed my life, and Santana, and glee club… But my grandparents won't listen. I've been arguing with them for weeks. They just won't listen… I wanted us to enjoy the last few weeks we had together without us all being really sad… But I was wrong cause I've been feeling guilty and I'm sorry for being such an arsehole for not telling you sooner" I said as I sobbed again.

Puck leaned down and began to comfort Sugar, who was still crying. Blaine sat down to my right and grabbed my hand.

"You've known about this for weeks? You should have told us! We could have tried to help you! You've been feeling guilty and miserable for weeks and we didn't even know" Blaine said, softly, sounding angry at both me and himself.

"Just when the gang got back together… Does Sam know?" Puck asked sadly, his eyes started to look redder.

"Yeah… We talked about it at his motel the night I brought his guitar back" I replied.

Sugar looked up at me before leaping over and hugging me tightly.

"You can't leave" She said as she sobbed. "You're my best friend!"

"I don't want to leave! I'm being forced to!" I sobbed.

Puck sat down to my left. "Dude… What are we gonna do without you?" Puck said, with visible tears now falling down his cheeks.

"You guys have each other. And you have Sam now too… I'm gonna have no one. All the progress I've made here. It's gonna be all for nothing" I said sadly.

"We won't have you though. And you know out of all us, how important you are to me" Blaine wept.

"And that's why I can't be with you Blaine… Not cause of Sam. Not cause of anyone else; cause of this. And believe me, if I wasn't leaving. I'd be with you in a heartbeat." I said mournfully.

We all just sat there for a few minutes, all crying; Sugar leaning into me, Blaine still holding my hand, and Puck now wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm so, so sorry for ruining your night. I just wanted us to have great memories." I said morosely.

"Who cares about the fucking night? We care about you!" Puck said, slightly angrily.

"Well then, why don't we just enjoy tonight, like it's out last?" Blaine said, although he didn't sound too convincing.

"I can try" I said gloomily. "I don't want our last week together to be sad."

"How can it not be? You're so important to us!" Sugar said sadly. "But you're right. Let's make sure you have a good night to remember." She said.

"Well then let's go in there and rock this prom" Puck said.

_None of us sound convinced. In fact, we all sound depressed. But we need to do this. Let's enjoy tonight and make sure we all get the memories I desperately wanted out of these last few weeks._

/

We've been dancing half-heartedly for about an hour now. Sam joined in after we filled him in. Lauren, Mercedes and Kurt joined in too, although they were clearly enjoying themselves, unlike us.

/

"Eat your heart out Kate Middleton" Kurt said onstage, with as much sass as he could muster.

For a moment, the silence was deafening, before all the glee kids, and then the whole crowd erupted in applause.

"And now behold the tradition of the 2011 Prom King and Prom Queen hearing their first dance." Figgins said as Kurt and Karofsky slowly made their way down the steps and onto the dancefloor. Mercedes and Santana began to sing 'Dancing Queen'.

Karofsky suddenly ran out of the crowd, leaving Kurt stranded In the middle, alone.

I leaned into Blaine and whispered into his ear. "Go up and dance with him. Be there for him as a friend." I said as I nudged him.

Blaine walked up behind Kurt and said "Excuse me? May I have this dance?".

Kurt's worried frown turned into a smile as he grabbed Blaine's hand and began to dance.

After a few moments, the whole glee club (minus Finn) circled Blaine and Kurt. Blaine then let go of Kurt and swapped with Sugar, who began to dance with him. The whole glee club took turns to dance with him.

Towards the end of the song, however, Karofsky appeared yet again and walked up behind Kurt.

"I'm sorry. Is there still time for one dance?" He asked, his eyes filled with regret.

Kurt looked visibly shocked for a moment before smiling and putting out his hand. "Take the lead" He said as he smiled.

**You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen****  
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine****  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life****  
See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen**

/

**A/N:**** I had to make prom just a little bit happy for the gang. Can't have too much angst :P**

**So I think I've figured out that with my schedule, I can generally get one chapter done per week (or 8/9 days). So that's when you should all expect a new chapter from now on. Every now and again, when I have the time, I'll get a few extra chapters done quicker. I will always try my best to get more done. **

**And I'm really sorry that I haven't been able to update as regularly lately, college is very time consuming :(**

**Thanks to everyone who's sticking with this story and remember, all reviews are appreciated! :)**


	20. The Last Week

**19: The Last Week**

**Monday:**

_It's my last week. The last few days have been… depressing. Don't really know what to think about. If I think about the guys; I just think how much I'm gonna miss them. If I think about the move; I still think about how much I'm gonna miss them…_

_I wanna do one thing for my mam before I leave; something I've wanted to do for a while but could never find the right time._

/

"What are we doing here? Is your Glee Club doing a performance? My mam asked as we walked out onto the auditorium stage.

The stage was empty aside from a mic stand in the centre.

"Nope. I know how much you love to sing, and I know that you miss being able to do it. So I wanted to give you a chance to feel what I feel everytime I get up on this stage, before we leave…" I said sadly.

She gave me a sad smile. "But I don't have any song prepared." She said, starting to worry.

"I have a song for you. I know you love it and know it" I said, smiling.

I walked down the steps as the music began to play and sat in the front row, where Puck, Blaine, Sugar and Sam were waiting for me.

Although my mam looked hesitant for a moment, but when the music began to play, she smiled and walked to the mic

**One Moment In Time:**

**Each day I live****  
****I want to be****  
****A day to give****  
****The best of me****  
****I'm only one****  
****But not alone****  
****My finest day****  
****Is yet unknown******

**I broke my heart****  
****Fought every gain****  
****To taste the sweet****  
****I face the pain****  
****I rise and fall****  
****Yet through it all****  
****This much remains******

**I want one moment in time****  
****When I'm more than I thought I could be****  
****When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away****  
****And the answers are all up to me****  
****Give me one moment in time****  
****When I'm racing with destiny****  
****Then in that one moment of time****  
****I will feel****  
****I will feel eternity******

**I've lived to be****  
****The very best****  
****I want it all****  
****No time for less****  
****I've laid the plans****  
****Now lay the chance****  
****Here in my hands******

**Give me one moment in time****  
****When I'm more than I thought I could be****  
****When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away****  
****And the answers are all up to me****  
****Give me one moment in time****  
****When I'm racing with destiny****  
****Then in that one moment of time****  
****I will feel****  
****I will feel eternity******

**You're a winner for a lifetime****  
****If you seize that one moment in time****  
****Make it shine******

**Give me one moment in time****  
****When I'm more than I thought I could be****  
****When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away****  
****And the answers are all up to me****  
****Give me one moment in time****  
****When I'm racing with destiny****  
****Then in that one moment of time****  
****I will be****  
****I will be****  
****I will be free****  
****I will be****  
****I will be free**

She finished the song to a round of applause and cheers.

"Ryan, thank you. I almost forgot what it felt like to be up on stage. To be appreciated for your talents…" She said a little morosely before beginning to smile.

/

**Tuesday:**

"Guys, before we start today's lesson, Ryan has an announcement to make" Mr Schue said before sitting down beside Artie.

"Um… Hi… Phew this is really harder than I thought it would be… Um… The rumour that was in the Muckraker a while back, the one that said I was leaving to go back to Ireland; it's true." I said before pausing for a moment.

Santana's eyes widened, as did Kurt and Lauren's. The whole club looked shocked.

"When are you leaving? You're still going to Nationals with us aren't you?" Rachel said, looking shocked.

"We're leaving to stay in a hotel near the airport on Saturday morning and then flying out on Sunday… so I can't go to Nationals." I said quietly.

"Why the hell did you wait so long to tell us" Santana said angrily.

I didn't want to be miserable for my last few weeks here. I wanted to try and enjoy it… It didn't work out that way… I know that some of you probably don't care, cause it's not like we're great friends. But some of you _are_ my absolute best friends and I didn't know how to tell you guys" I said, eyes starting to water as I said it.

"I don't wanna cry again" Sugar said, rubbing her eyes rapidly.

"Ryan, you're an important member of this club. You've contributed a lot. And you've come very far from when we first saw you last year. I think everyone is gonna miss you" Mr Schue said.

The whole club nodded, even Finn.

"Thanks Mr Schue… Thanks guys… God this is so hard. You have no idea how much you all have changed my life… You changed me for the better. I met some of the most amazing people in the world and I-I'm gonna miss you all so much…"

Blaine, Sam and Sugar were now freely crying. Puck and Kurt's eyes were red, as were Santana's, although she seemed to be trying to hide it.

"Um, I was gonna audition for a solo at National's. I was practising and preparing for ages… But then I found out I had to leave… I was wondering if I could sing my song for you…. Seeing as it's gonna be the last time." I said regrettably.

"Of course Ryan" Mr Schue said.

I took a breath, trying to almost take in the atmosphere and soak it all up, before beginning to sing.

**Glitter In the Air:**

**Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it  
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?  
Have you ever looked fear in the face  
And said I just don't care**

It's only half past the point of no return  
The tip of the ice burg  
The sun before the burn  
The thunder before lightning  
The breathe before the phrase  
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?  
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone  
Have you ever been touch so gently you had to cry?  
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?  


_I took turns looking at Blaine, Sam, Sugar, Puck and Santana before looking at the whole glee club._

**It's only half past the point of oblivion  
The hourglass on the table  
The walk before the run  
The breathe before the kiss  
And the fear before the flames  
Have you ever felt this way?**

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden  
Clutching my coffee,**  
Calling me sugar  
You called me sugar**

Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
Lasso the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight  
Have you ever held your breathe and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?  
Tonight  


Blaine, Sugar, Sam and Puck all got up and hugged me as I broke down crying. Santana and Kurt quickly joined us, before most of the club came over.

/

**Thursday:**

"What are we doing here guys? Isn't this illegal or something?" I asked as Sugar led me by the hand into the deserted courtyard of McKinley High, followed by Puck, Sam and Santana. It was starting to get darker. The sun was setting, creating a vast red sky with tufts of clouds here and there.

"Who cares? We wanted to sing for you" Puck said.

"It was Blaine's idea, so we're gonna sing back up for him" Sam said with a hint of something in his voice… Resentment?

"It's the only time I'm gonna be happy to only sing back-up" Sugar said with a wink.

"Well I'm never happy singing back-up… But I'll let it slide tonight" Santana said as she rolled her eyes.

"Where is Blaine?" I asked as I looked around. Before anyone answered, I heard the familiar tone of his voice meet my ears. I turned around to see him at the top of the steps, beginning to walk down. All the others began to sing backup.

**Somewhere Only We Know:**

**I walked across an empty land****  
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand****  
I felt the earth beneath my feet****  
Sat by the river and it made me complete******

Oh simple thing where have you gone**  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on****  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in****  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin******

I came across a fallen tree**  
I felt the branches of it looking at me****  
Is this the place we used to love?****  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?******

Oh simple thing where have you gone**  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on****  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in****  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin******

So if you have a minute why don't we go**  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?****  
This could be the end of everything****  
So why don't we go****  
Somewhere only we know?******

Oh simple thing where have you gone**  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on****  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in****  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin****  
**

The 5 of them all stood around me in a circle, singing straight to me. I couldn't handle it and began to break down crying… yet again.

**And if you have a minute why don't we go****  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?****  
This could be the end of everything****  
So why don't we go****  
So why don't we go******

This could be the end of everything**  
So why don't we go****  
Somewhere only we know**

The guys all walked in closer and gave me a group hug. They were all crying at this point, even Santana.

"Thanks you… Thanks you-" I said as my voice cracked. Not knowing what else to say.

"Why don't we all just sit on the steps for a while? We can look at the stars" Sam said.

"Everyone silently agreed as we made our way to the steps.

No one talked much. We swapped stories of the past two years for a while… But mostly, we just sat there, huddled together, looking at the stars.

/

**Friday:**

_It's my last day in Lima. We're going to the hotel tomorrow. We can't take our entire luggage at once, so we're focusing on my grandparents and aunts stuff for now. I'm only taking my important things and my mam will be flying back in a few days to collect the rest of our things._

_I have to say goodbye to my best friends today; my second family. How?_

_/_

The 6 of us were all sitting in my sitting room. It was awkward. The tension and sadness in the room was so apparent.

"So I called you all here so I could-"(My voice cracked)… "so I could say goodbye, individually" I said solemnly. "Santana, will you come upstairs with me?" I asked.

/

"Do we have to do this? I don't do emotions" She said forcefully.

"Santana, shut up. Don't be a bitch; not now" I said as we both sat down on my bed.

"I'm sorry… I'm just not good at sharing my feelings" She said.

"I know, its ok. Look, you're important to me. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. I never would have thought that we would be so close when I first came here… But for whatever reason, we clicked… Probably cause I can be brutally honest with people, like you." I said smiling.

"Well you are a bit of a bitch too. Some of our insults to Frankenteen have been legendary." She said as she smirked.

"Iconic, even… But another thing that really made us see each other, _really see each other, _was because we're both in the closet… I know that you're not gonna come out yet… You don't need to. But please do something for me. Don't bottle up your feelings. When you need to talk, you can send me a message. But even better would be talking to Puck about it, seeing as you're in the same situation. Just please don't keep everything to yourself; do that for me, ok?" I asked.

"Ok, I won't. I dunno what I'd have done if I didn't have you to talk to about Britt. You helped me a lot. So I promise, I'll talk if I need to" She said a little sadly.

"Good… I'm really gonna miss you Santana" I said as I began to tear up.

"I'm gonna miss you too" She said as she reached over for a hug.

/

"Hey, Santana sent me up" Puck said as he sat down beside me.

"This is so hard… I never would have expected that we'd even be friends. My bully became one of my best friends… And kissed me a few times too… It's crazy." I said.

"Wouldn't change it for the world dude; well except the bullying part, and add in some extra kisses" He said, smirking a little. "One for old time's sake?"

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "You're such a chancer" I said before leaning in and giving him a small light kiss. "That's all you're getting" I said.

Our smiles slowly faded and the silence and realisation set in.

"I'm really gonna miss you dude" He said sadly.

"Me too… Can't believe this is all happening… Will you please do me a favour? You've made great progress in finally accepting yourself…. Just keep going. Let the guys help you. Don't stop because I'm not here to push you forward." I said sadly.

"I swear dude. You've change me for the better. I'm just gonna keep getting better." He said.

We hugged and just sat for a few more moments before he went back downstairs.

/

"I don't think I can do this" Sugar said as she sat down beside me.

"I wish I didn't have to this" I said sadly.

"What am I gonna do without you?" She asked, as she already began tearing up.

"You have the guys and glee" I said. "And I'm just a fb message away" I said.

"But they're not you!" She said.

Upon hearing this, I began to cry heavily. Sugar jumped into my arms as we both sobbed.

"You're my BMA; I'm gonna miss you so much!" I sobbed.

"You were my first real friend" She replied. "Mine too" I said.

"Sugar, you need to trust me on this… I know you've been through hard times, with your dad and different guys… But you are one of the most amazing, thoughtful, talented, beautiful people I have ever met, and you need to remember that. The right guy is gonna come along for you. Just you wait" I said, as I sobbed.

"I promise; but what about you?" She asked.

"I met mine, but I lost him. Then I met someone else amazing, and I've lost him too" I said.

"You'll find someone" She said, trying to sound as certain as possible.

"I know I will… But they're not Sam or Blaine" I said sadly.

/

Sam walked in and silently sat down extremely close to me. He wrapped his arm around me.

"I don't think I can say goodbye to you. We can sit here all night talking about how much we love each other and how we've changed each other's lives… But we don't have to; we already know it. Let's just sit here and cuddle and enjoy these last few minutes together before you go… This isn't the end… It's just the next chapter" He said sadly.

"I couldn't agree more" I said as I placed a tender kiss to his cheek, before we cuddled and cried into each other

/

Blaine walked in about a half an hour later, after Sam went back downstairs.

"So this is it…" Blaine said as he sat down beside me.

"I'm gonna miss you so much Blaine" I said as the tears fell from my cheeks.

I grabbed his hands in mine and pulled him in closer.

"You know that I want to be with you don't you. If I wasn't leaving, I'd be your boyfriend in a heartbeat. I just can't believe we're never gonna get the chance to see what we could have been" I said sadly.

Blaine began to cry heavily after hearing this.

"I should have been braver and told you I had a crush on you. We could have been together… at least for a while" He said.

"Let's not dwell on the past… Let's just be happy that we have this chance to say goodbye" I said before leaning in and kissing him with as much passion as I could muster in the moment.

We paused for a moment to take a breath after breaking apart.

"You're such an amazing person, Blaine Anderson. You're gonna make some guy the luckiest guy in the world. Mark my words" I said, slightly sadly.

"I don't want just some guy… I want you" He said somewhat resentfully.

I looked at him sadly before leaning in and hugging him.

"Don't think like that… You'll find someone. I swear. You're too amazing not to. You're a catch" I said.

"I'm gonna miss you so much" He said. "Can we just, lie here for a few minutes?"

"Of course".

/

About a half hour later, the guys all gave me a huge group hug before leaving. I walked straight upstairs and cried myself to sleep.

_This is it. I'm leaving._


	21. Reactions

**20: Reactions**

To say that the group took Ryan's departure hard is a bit of an understatement. The night Ryan said goodbye; each one of his best friends had a different reaction, however, one thing they all knew was that they had just lost a hugely important person in their lives.

/

Puck and Sugar spent the entire drive home contemplating about what Ryan had said to him…

_Ryan's gone… He's really gone. Who are you gonna talk to now? Don't think like that. You have Blaine and Sam and Sugar and hell, even Santana…_

_Ryan pushed me though. Maybe I'll go back to my old ways now that he's gone? No! You're the Puckasaurus! Fuck what anyone thinks. Do this for Ryan._

A few minutes later, after dropping Sugar off, Puck arrived home. It was late so he knew his sister would be in bed.

"Ma, Can I talk to you?" Puck asked as he walked into the living room where Ms Puckerman was watching Schindler's List.

"Sure Hun" She said lazily as she continued to watch the tv.

"Ma, listen… There's something I need to tell you. Please don't be mad…" He said apprehensively

"No you didn't! You got someone else pregnant didn't you?" She asked as she swung around to look at Puck angrily.

"No Ma… I'm bi".

/

Santana chose not to go home after leaving Ryan's. Instead, she drove straight to Brittany's.

"Santana, are you ok?" Brittany said as they cuddled into each other on her colourful bed.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Santana replied defensively.

"Well, you've been here an hour and you haven't touched my boobs yet. And the only other time you've been like this is when Lord Tubbington threw up fondue on the carpet. Also, you wouldn't look me in the eyes when I asked if you were ok" She replied matter-of-factly.

"You know you're really smart Britt… You're right; I'm just a little sad" She said sincerely.

"Is it about Ryan Leprechaun leaving? I'm gonna miss him. I know you and him were really close" She said.

"Yeah, it is… I'm just-I'm gonna miss him… He helped me a lot." She said sadly.

"What did he help you with?" Brittany asked inquisitively.

Santana paused for a moment before smiling a little.

"He helped me realise how amazing, smart and beautiful you are Britt… I know you've been really sad about your breakup with Artie. And I'm sad that you're sad… But I really like you Britt, and I want to be here for you" She said with a smile before leaning in and placing a tender kiss on Brittany's lips.

/

Sugar slowly walked into her home after Puck dropped her off. Some of her make-up was now halfway down her face. Her eyes were red and puffy.

_I don't think I've ever cried this much. And I've watched Titanic, The Notebook and PS I Love You in one night… He's really gone. What am I gonna do now? He's my absolute best friend. And my first one like ever!_

Sugar walked into her dark bedroom and dived onto the bed, burying her head into the pillows as she did so.

Suddenly she heard a knock on the door and a sliver of light entered the room as the door opened.

"Miss Sugar? Miss Sugar are you ok?" Her worried maid, Janine, asked.

"No. But it doesn't matter. Just please can you get me some tissues Janine?" She asked while she tried to compose herself.

"Yes, right away Miss Motta. I have a message from your Father. He asked me to tell you that his business trip is taking longer than expected and he won't be home for another two weeks" Janine said before leaving the room to fetch tissues.

_Daddy's not gonna see me perform at Nationals… He said he would fly out to see me… And now I don't have Ryan either… That's even worse._

Sugar became so overwhelmed with emotion that she lost her train of thought, so she turned around and buried her head into the pillows once again as she sobbed.

/

Sam arrived at the motel a short while after leaving Ryan's house. He made sure to clean himself up and not look like he had just been crying for several hours, his breath was still catching as he shook back a few sobs.

_Calm down Sam. Just breathe. Mom and Dad have enough on their plate. They don't need to worry about you too. _

Sam walked into the dimly lit motel room to find his Mom, Stacey and Stevie already asleep in bed. His dad was sitting on the chair reading the newspaper.

"Hey Sammy, how come you're in so late?" His dad asked curiously.

"We were doing extra glee rehearsals since Nationals are next week. Any luck today?" He asked as he looked from his Dad to the newspaper.

"Unfortunately, no. But we can't give up hope. Your mom and I will find work" He said, desperately trying to sound confident.

Sam nodded lightly before looking over and seeing his guitar lying against the wall. The sight of it caused Sam to tear up once again. He walked swiftly over and picked up the guitar before walking to the front door.

"Uh, it's really warm in here. I'm just gonna go get some air ok" Sam said before walking out of the room quickly.

Sam ran out of the motel car park and onto the street, He sat down at a nearby bus stop and placed the guitar on his lap.

_Ryan… Why did this have to happen? We were perfect for each other… I thought we were soulmates. Then I had to break up with him; it's my fault he doesn't trust me anymore. I pushed him right into Blaine's arms. But it doesn't matter now. He's gone. The love of my life is gone and there's nothing I can do to stop it…_

Sam sat at the bus stop in the dark for a whole hour as he wept onto his guitar, before his dad came out and made him come back inside.

/

Blaine slowly entered his home and quietly made his way upstairs to his room. His parents were asleep and he didn't want them to see what kind of state he was in. After silently shutting the door behind him, he ran to his bed and got under the covers before taking out his phone; He clicked on photos and scrolled to a folder called "Ryan & I". He was trying desperately to remain quiet as the tears ran down his face.

_Why? Why didn't I tell him sooner? We could have had something special. We were both so hurt about Sam and Kurt. I could have helped him. I should have been there for him more. I should have told him the truth. He's gone. We'll never get that chance. We could have been amazing together…._

_I'll never get to tell him that… I love him._

/

**A/N: So much sadness! :(**


	22. Time to Go

**21: Time to Go**

"Ryanie, it's time" My mam said as I looked up from the TV screen to see my family standing at the door with their bags.

I silently stood up, switched off the TV, grabbed my bag and walked out the door behind my family.

/

The drive was silent. I think, in a way, everyone was coming to terms with what was about to happen. I just listened to some music on my iPod while I looked out the window. American scenery is really different to Irish landscapes. It's much less green…

/

"Aer Lingus flight 67, boarding in two hours; Gate 22, luggage check no. 4" My Grandad said as he relayed the information on the screen above.

"Number 4 is over there" My aunt said, pointing to the right.

"This is it so" My Grandad said.

My mam and I began to tear up.

I ran to my Grandad and hugged him tightly, then moving to my nanny and aunts.

"I'm going to miss you all so much. I know we've spent the last few weeks fighting, and I'm so sorry for that, but I love you all and I can't believe I'm not going to see you all every day." I said as I cried. My mam walked over and began to hug them too.

"I know Ryan, but this is what's best for you. We were being selfish before. We'll still visit each other. And Jennifer is going to try and set up that Facebook thing for us so we can keep in contact without all the phone bills." My Grandad said.

I nodded as my eyes began to dry slightly.

"Be careful ok. We love you. You can always come home if it doesn't work out here" My aunt said.

"We know. Thank you for understanding. We're going to miss you all so much" My mam.

"**This is the last call for anyone checking in to American Airlines flight 277 to New York"**

"That's us." My mam said as she looked at the screen to find the right way to go. "We're desk no. 1".

"Be good" My Grandad said as he and the rest of family smiled. "Bye for now".

My mam and I smiled, giving them each one last hug before turning around and walking to desk no. 1.

New York, here we come.

/

**A/N:**** Confused? I would be! All will be revealed in the next chapter :P**


	23. New York

**22: New York**

The Glee Club walked quickly down the narrow hallway as they searched for their rooms on the 7th floor of the _Intercontinental New York, Times Square_. Blaine, Puck, Sam and Sugar were treading slowly at the back, still trying to get used to the idea that their best friend was gone.

"Ah, here we are!" Mr Schue said as he pointed to two doors on either side of the hallway.

"Boys on the right and girls on the left. Let's all go into the boy's room for a minute to plan" Mr Schue said as he opened the door and walked in.

Rachel, Kurt, Santana, among others let out squeals of shock and excitement.

"The rooms must be really good. Everyone is so excit-" Blaine said slowly as he walked into the room before stopping suddenly.

"What's wrong dude?" Puck asked before looking up and seeing Ryan sitting on the bed surrounded by the glee club.

Sugar practically leapt from one end of the room before jumping into Ryan's arms. "Ryan! What? Why? How?" She said excitedly.

"I'm not moving!" Ryan said happily before Puck, Sam and Blaine ran over to greet him too.

After a few moments of sheer shock and excitement, the glee club settled down and let Ryan speak.

"My mam and I flew here yesterday. She's out shopping now. She's gonna be an extra chaperone to help Mr Schue. I had no idea about any of this until after we left Lima to go to the hotel…"

/

**Two days ago:**

I was sitting quietly on the bed listening to my iPod when my mam called me into my grandparent's room. I walked in slowly.

"What now? Do we all have to move to Russia or something?" I said sarcastically as I sat down on the dingy couch beside my aunts.

"I have something I need to say" My mam said a little timidly as she stood up. "We've all been through a huge amount together. We've never left each other's sides when times got hard. You were always there for Ryan and I… But a lot has happened. We know that you don't like it here, but Ryan and I have built a life here. We've been happier here than we ever were back in Ireland; which is why I've decided to stay here." She said slowly.

"What?" I said quickly, eyes widening in shock.

"Don't be stupid. You're coming home with us tomorrow. We've already sorted everything out." My grandad said.

"No. I was going to leave and go back to Ireland, for you. But I can't. I can't put myself or Ryan through that. I decided to stay a few days ago. Everything is already sorted. I've talked to Ryan's principal and glee club leader, I've spoken to my boss. We're going to the airport tomorrow; but we're not going with you. We're going to New York, so Ryan can compete with his friends at Nationals." She said defiantly.

"Oh my god, are you actually serious? We actually get to stay?" I asked as I began to smile.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" My nanny asked sadly.

"Because this will make it easier on everyone; you saw what happened to Ryan and all of his friends for the past few weeks since they heard the news. They were miserable. This way we can just accept it and enjoy our last night together" My mam said sadly.

/

"So that's the gist of it. We spent another hour or so arguing before my family gave in and accepted it." I said before smiling. "We may have to sell the house and get something smaller now, but I'm so glad I'm back. I'm sorry for all the drama I caused".

"It wasn't your fault" Sam said.

"We're just happy that you're back" Blaine said.

"I think after everything, and your spectacular solo before you left, you deserve a solo part at Nationals" Mr Schue said happily.

"Really? Thanks Mr Schue! Actually, I was gonna ask if I could sing one song for you all now? It was one of my Grandad's favourite songs and regardless of the fighting, I'm gonna miss him so much" I said.

"Of course Ryan" He said.

"Puck, will you play guitar for me? Hallelujah" I said.

"Sure thing dude" He said happily.

**Well I heard there was a secret chord****  
That David played and it pleased the Lord****  
But you don't really care for music, do ya?****  
Well it goes like this:****  
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift****  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah******

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...****

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof**  
You saw her bathing on the roof****  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya****  
And she tied you to her kitchen chair****  
She broke your throne and she cut your hair****  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah******

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...****

(Yeah but) Baby I've been here before**  
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor, (You know)****  
I used to live alone before I knew ya****  
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch****  
And love is not a victory march****  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah******

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...****

Well there was a time when you let me know**  
What's really going on below****  
But now you never show that to me do ya****  
But remember when I moved in you****  
And the holy dove was moving too****  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah******

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah****

Hallelujah...****

Maybe there's a God above**  
But all I've ever learned from love****  
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya****  
And it's not a cry that you hear at night****  
It's not somebody who's seen the light****  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah******

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...**  
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...****  
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah**

"Let's win Nationals!" I said excitedly as I hugged everyone.

/

**That night:**

Blaine, Sam, Puck, Sugar and I decided to sneak into the swimming pool for a late night dip.

"I can't believe you told everyone you were bi… I was only gone for like 3 days!" I said to Puck.

"Well it was all cause of you. I didn't want to let you down so I just decided to get it over with. My mom was surprisingly ok with. She was just glad I didn't get someone else pregnant. I think that she thinks it's just a phase" He said.

"She'll come around. Trust me" Blaine said.

"I hope so… And the glee club was all cool about it. Anyway guys I was thinking, we need to celebrate and do something big for the summer, especially now that Ryan is back; road trip anyone?" He asked happily.

"Uh, yeah!" I said happily. "Would we be allowed though?"

"Well as long as we didn't go too far and kept in regular contact with parents, I think we could get away with it" Blaine said.

"So Ryan, we're gonna sneak out tomorrow and go to a karaoke bar; you in?" Sugar asked happily.

"Um yeah but will we be allowed in without id?" I asked.

"It's a restaurant too. We're allowed in during the day" Puck said.

"Sounds like a plan so" I said, smiling.

/

**The next day:**

The 5 of us crammed into one of the booths at the karaoke bar. The whole place was painted in red and had 3 huge yet dimly lit lanterns on the ceiling.

"Hmm it's kinda crowded… Maybe we'll go find a bigger table" Puck said as his eyes shifted to Sugar and Sam.

"Totes! And I need to pee too!" Sugar said as the three got up and walked away.

/

The three of them quietly sneaked over to a free waitress and asked her to find them a table away from Ryan and Blaine.

"Operation Raine is underway" Puck said proudly.

"This was a great idea. We know how crazy Blaine is about Ryan. Great job Sam!" Sugar said happily.

Sam nodded lightly, feigning a smile.

"You ok dude? I know this must be hard for you…" Puck said as he looked at Sam.

"Yeah I'm grand. If Ryan is happy, then so am I." Sam said somewhat sadly.

"Grand? You've never said that before. Ryan must have rubbed off on you" Sugar said.

/

I looked over to Blaine and smiled.

"I'm so glad that you're back Ryan" Blaine said timidly.

"Me too, it's crazy; I've been preparing to leave for so long that it just feels almost unnatural to actually feel happy again" I said.

"Yeah I get that… I know it's not nearly as long as you had to deal with it. But since you told me, I've just been miserable- What the? The guys are all the way at the back, at another table." Blaine said as he peered behind my head.

"Why would they sit so far away- Oh… I know why. They're trying to get us alone" I said as the realisation hit me.

"Oh-uh-I didn't realise that it was going to be a date; I would have dressed up more" Blaine said as his cheeks turned a bright shade of red.

"I didn't know either, and you look fucking gorgeous." I said calmly.

Blaine expression became much lighter. "So this is our first date… I never thought we'd get to have this…" Blaine said.

"Well thanks to my mam, I'm here. And I can finally answer the question you asked me way back when you came to my house after I sang the 'sexy' song for you. Wanna guess the answer?" I teased.

"Yes?" Blaine said with a slight uncertainty.

"Yes" I said reassuringly before leaning over and giving him a quick kiss.

"We're in public Ryan?" Blaine asking, looking confused.

"I know, but it's New York" I said as I smiled.

"So what do you think of it here? I know you've always wanted to go" Blaine asked as he smiled.

"It's just… fucking amazing. This place; I just love it so much. I never thought it would actually live up to my expectations, but it's just above and beyond what I expected it to be like. I know I haven't decided what I want to do after school yet; but I think I want to move here, somehow. Maybe I could be a music producer or even a singer" I said.

"That makes two of us" Blaine said happily. "There's a great musical theatre program I've heard about; NYADA. Apparently the students have gone on to become some of the most elite in the Broadway world. I think that's something I'd love to do. It's probably just a silly dream" Blaine said.

"You're unbelievably talented Blaine. If anyone can get into that college, you can." I said as I placed my hand over his.

"**And our next musical guests are two boys from Lima, Ohio. Ryan, Blaine, come up here and sing us a song"**An announcer said_._

I turned quickly to see Sugar running from behind the announcer back to her seat.

"Uh, do you wanna?" I asked Blaine.

"Sure, I know a good song" He said as he walked to the announcer and whispered into his ear.

Blaine and I sat each sat on a stool on the stage and were handed dazzling microphones as the music began to play.

**Blaine:**

**You tell all the boys no  
Makes you feel good yeah  
I know you're out of my league  
But that won't scare me away oh no  
You've carried on so long  
You couldn't stop if you tried it  
You've built your wall so high  
That no one could climb it  
But I'm gonna try**

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful  
Would you let me see beneath your perfect  
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy  
I wanna see inside  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight  


**Ryan:****  
You let all the guys go  
Makes you feel good, don't it?  
Behind your Broadway show  
I heard a voice say please don't hurt me  
You've carried on so long  
You couldn't stop if you tried it  
You've built your wall so high  
That no one could climb it  
But I'm gonna try**

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful  
Would you let me see beneath your perfect  
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy  
I wanna see inside  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight  
Oh, tonight

**Both:**

**See beneath, see beneath,  
I Tonight  
I**

I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower  
I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out  
We'll be falling, falling  
But that's okay  
Cause I'll be right here  
I just wanna know

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful  
Would you let me see beneath your perfect  
Take it off now boy, take it off now boy 

**Cause I wanna see you say  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight  
Tonight, see beneath your beautiful  
Oh tonight, we ain't perfect, we ain't perfect  
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight**

We finished the song to a round of applause, as Sugar, Sam and Puck cheered us on.

"You've both got great voices guys. You should consider doing it professionally" The announcer said happily before calling the next act to the stage.

/

_We didn't even fucking place thanks to the pair of horny twats in the corner. Fucks sake! No Ryan. Don't say anything. You just got back. Don't stir the pot._

_Santana is doing a pretty good job at trying to kill them anyway._

Santana was being restrained by Mike, Quinn and Sam as she angrily screamed Spanish at Finn and Rachel.

/

_Well after all the fuss, we only placed 12__th__. But to be fair, that's still pretty good! I don't really care that much anyway. I'm just happy that I'm still here. My mam and I can live our life the way we want to. I can be with Blaine. I'm friends with Sam again. The gang is back together. And despite the fights we tend to have, the glee club is becoming like more of a family to us every day… I'm happy._

_/_

**Two weeks later:**

Blaine, Sugar and I were happily talking as Puck drove us into the motel parking lot. We were gonna drive to the pool to celebrate the start of summer.

"Back in a sec guys, I'll go get Sam" I said as I walked up to Sam's door.

I knocked on the door 3 times. There was no answer.

_Hmm that's weird…_

I looked around to see if I could see a light or any indication that there was anyone home when I saw a piece of paper on the ground with a small blue plectrum on top of it.

I bent down to pick it up, I could make out the word 'Ryan' on the front of the paper.

I turned the page around to see a small note:

**Ryan, **

**That's the first plec I ever bought. Please keep it.**

**I will always love you. I'm so sorry. **

**Nga 'aw si nì'aw ngay yawne****(You are my one and only true love)**

**Sam**

_Sam… he's gone…_

/

**A/N:**** And that's it for Year 2! I really enjoyed this 'year'. :)**

**I hope you all enjoyed! The story is far from over. I'll be back within a few weeks with Year 3. Like the last time, I need a little while to set out a proper plan for the chapters, but shouldn't be too long! **

**I'll post a link at the end of this story when it's ready, so keep checking back! **

**Thank you all for the reviews I've been getting. Please keep em coming!**


	24. Year 3 Link

Here's the link to the first chapter of Year 3! Just put this after the fanfiction web address.

Hope you enjoy! :)

s/9064084/1/Glee-My-Journey-Year-3


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